Ten Cent Hero
by essenceofsparkle
Summary: Jimmy Hickock and Wild Bill are not on good terms. Though there is a lady who might just be able to help him. Formerly known as Fastest Carrot in the West.
1. Prologue

James Hickok made his way down the main street of Sweetwater. He grumbled to himself about Wild Bill and how much he despised the alter ego forced upon him. He wished he would somehow be able to murder Wild Bill, but let Jimmy live. Jimmy didn't want to live by the gun the way his alter ego apparently did. Jimmy had never read any of the books written about Wild Bill.

Sighing at the sight before him, Jimmy stopped in his train of though and looked at two girls with a book between them. They were both completely engulfed in the story and didn't notice the man staring at them. He approached them, carefully at first, wanting to know which book they were reading. Cursing himself for his own lack of ability to read, Jimmy knew there were only way to deal with this.

He thought he could see a picture on the cover of a man holding a gun.

"What are you reading?" he asked them. They looked up at him, but didn't reply. Then they went back to their story. "You reading about me?" Again, they looked up at him, and again they did not reply. Jimmy was too busy seeing to that the two girls weren't reading about him that he didn't notice the frightened look in their eyes. "I asked if you were reading about me?"

Tearing the book out of the girls' hands, he yelled at them. "Why are you reading that trash like this? Give me that!" Jimmy looked at it, checking it over. He didn't understand the words on the cover, but he figured a book with a ship on the cover weren't about Wild Bill.

"Ah, I'm sorry. Here, take it. Please come back. Please, I'm sorry … I'm sorry."

Jimmy held out the book for the two girls, pleading, but they were already running home. Before he had a chance to call after them again, they were out of hearing-range. Sighing, Jimmy looked at the book for a few moments before putting it in his pocket. The day had just turned from bad to worse. Walking back to his horse, Jimmy had to wonder if he himself had some of the same traits as Wild Bill. The Jimmy he knew he wanted to be, wouldn't scare two little girls for no good reason.

As he rode into the station yard, he patted Sundance on her neck. "You're a good girl, you know that. You'll never let me down." Jimmy had to laugh as Sundance snorted and almost nodded her head in agreement. Dismounting and walking Sundance into the stables, Jimmy figured that the girl deserved to be groomed a bit extra and maybe given a carrot as a treat.

Jimmy was too deep him own world, focusing on the long strokes the brush made across Sundance's back and sides, he didn't notice Kid trying to get his attention.

"Jimmy, what's wrong with you?" asked Kid as a grabbed a hold of Jimmy's shoulder.

Jimmy spun around, startling Sundance in the process. He grabbed a hold of Kid by the collar of his shirt and pushed him up against the wall. "If you ever sneak up on me again like that, I swear to God I'll kill you."

"Jimmy, what's wrong with you?" Kid held up his arms in a manner of self defense.

"Nothing's wrong with me, now get out of my face." Jimmy pushed Kid away and wet back to caring for Sundance. Kid muttered something to himself before he exited the stables. He felt the book burning a hole in his pocket. "How do I get into these messes?" Jimmy asked his faithful horse after he had made sure Kid had left. Sundance didn't give a reply.

Emma noticed Kid looking downtrodden as he walked towards her. She wiped her hands on her apron and closed the distance between them.

"Is there something you'd like to talk about?" she asked him, prodding, but not in an intruding way.

"I don't know Emma," said Kid as he fiddled with the collar of his shirt. He could still more or less feel Jimmy's hands there. "Something's up with Jimmy. I think it's this Wild Bill business that's really getting to him."

Emma nodded in understanding and laid a hand on Kid's shoulder as she saw Jimmy walked towards, what she had dubbed, his thinking spot. "Kid, why don't we head on inside. There's coffee on the stove."

Kid's face brightened at that. Emma made the best coffee, so much so that it could warm the coldest soul. Together they walked up to the house and sat down at the table. Emma poured him a cup of coffee before pouring a cup for herself.

"Kid, I don't want you to worry about Jimmy too much. He's going through a lot right now, but it's going to get better for him. It's never easy to have complete stranger believe you're something you're not."

"I guess you're right, Emma," said Kid. "I just wish there was something I could do to help."

"Be his friend," said Emma, taking another sip of her coffee. "Be Jimmy's friend."

XXX

Jimmy hadn't meant to lash out at Kid the way he had. He was just there and an easy target. Sitting down by the pond, he put his head in his hands. Jimmy could practically see the thoughts swimming in front of his eyes.

He was pushing everyone away. Today, he'd scared two little girls and he'd nearly punched Kid. The moral of today, he thought, was that he was a bad influence. He shouldn't be around normal people, or people in general for that matter.

Taking the book out of his pocket, Jimmy looked at it and imagined that there was a man on the ship, and the man was mocking him. Telling him that he only ever did stupid things and that he should stay away from people until he had gotten his act together. Jimmy felt like throwing the book in the pond, ridding himself of it forever. But he couldn't do that, the book didn't belong to him.

"Jimmy," came a voice from behind. Jimmy swirled around, ready to face Kid again. The expression on his face was that of a shameful man as Emma stood before him, not Kid.

"Is it alright if I sit down?" asked Emma and motioned to the log where Jimmy had been sitting a moment ago.

"There's room enough for two," said Jimmy and the two sat down next to each other. For a long time, the two sat in silence.

Emma looked at the book in Jimmy's hand, for a moment wondering how he had acquired the book and what he was going to do with it. "Gulliver's travels in Lilliput," said Ema, motioning to the book. "Is it a good book?"

"I don't know," said Jimmy. "I haven't read it. Besides, it isn't mine."

"Oh, said Emma. "Have you borrowed it from one of the boys?"

"No," said Jimmy. "I don't really know who owns it." He looked away. He hadn't meant to snap at Emma. "I'm sorry," he mumbled.

"It's alright Jimmy," said Emma and laid her arms around his shoulders, drawing him into a hug. "It's alright not to have a good day."

"No, it isn't," mumbled Jimmy and pulled away from Emma's protective embrace. "I did something really stupid today." Emma didn't answer, but patiently waited for Jimmy to tell his own story. "In town today, I scared two little girls. They were reading a book – this book. I asked them if they were reading about me and when they didn't answer, I tore the book out of their hands and yelled at them."

"Oh Jimmy," said Emma. "That's not a very nice thing to do." She again pulled him into a hug. "But you have to learn not to let Wild Bill get the better of you. You're stronger than him. You're Jimmy, and you're a good person."

Jimmy shook his head. "I wasn't a good person when I scared those kids."

"No, but you're young. You still got a lot to learn. Just look at Teaspoon. He's got a bag full of tricks and he taught them to you. Just like you boys each have your bag of tricks and you taught him."

"I guess you're right," said Jimmy and looked up at Emma for the first time in their conversation. He wasn't sure he believed her, but it was a nice idea and he wanted to believe in it.

"Come on, Jimmy. You can help me start supper." She stood reached out for him to take her hand. "Let's go home."


	2. Chapter 1

Ever since the death of her husband a year previous, Amanda Sawyer has been caring for the small farm herself. It was hard work, she would be a liar if she claimed otherwise. Some days she was exhausted, yet a little hard work had never frightened her. It wasn't a very big farm and she had good help from her two daughters, Elizabeth, who demanded that everyone call her Lizzie, and Stephanie, who got furious whenever somebody dared to call her Steph.

"Mama, mama!" Amanda turned around from hanging the washing to dry when she heard her daughters cry out for her. Two little girls rushed into her open arms.

"Girls, what's wrong?" she asked as she wiped tears away from her daughters' cheeks.

"Mama," sobbed Lizzie. "There was a man in town … and he took our book and he yelled at us."

"He was really nasty," added Stephanie for good measure. "He smelled too." She and her sister clung to their mother.

Amanda felt enraged. How could anybody in their right mind yell and scare two little girls like her daughters take the book they had saved up for. "Let's go inside and I'll get the two of you something to drink, and then we can talk things through," said Amanda in a soothing voice, and the threesome made their way into the house.

Sitting both of the girls down at the table in their small kitchen, Amanda set about making them some warm tea. If it weren't for her daughters being in the same room as herself, she would have cursed long and loud. "Here you go," she said and put two cups in front of them.

"The man, the one that scared you," she asked in a calm voice once her daughters seemed to have calmed down. "What did he look like?"

"Why do you ask that?" asked Lizzie as she started to tear up again. Amanda reached out to her and took a hold of her daughter's hand.

"I want to get your book back."

"But mama," uttered Stephanie, "I don't want you to meet him, not alone! He's mean and he's scary … and he smells and, and." For once Stephanie was at a loss for words. The only thing she was certain of was that she did not want her mother to meet that man alone. Reaching across the table, she too clung to her mother's hands.

Amanda let out a small sigh as she moved around the table and hugged them both close to her chest.

"Mama, the book isn't that important. He's just really scary." Lizzie pulled back from her mother's hug and did her best to put on a brave face.

"If he is as scary as you say he is, then I won't meet with him alone," said Amanda.

After the girls had calmed down, the three of them started to make dinner. Amanda looked at her daughters with pride – just moments before they had been falling apart, but now they were back to their old selves, helping her around the house. They were strong. Amanda concluded that she could not have asked for a better pair of daughters.

XXX

The following morning Amanda hitched up her wagon and decided that after the previous day's scare she would take Lizzie and Stephanie to school. It also gave her a good reason to inquire around town about the sorry excuse for a man who had scared her daughters.

"I'll pick you up after school has ended," said Amanda as the girls got down from the wagon. "Lizzie, don't forget your lunch." Amanda held out the small bucket for Lizzie.

"Yes, mama," said Lizzie, took the bucket and rushed after her sister towards the schoolhouse. Amanda grinned and shook her head and her daughter and her tendency to forget things. As all the children had entered the schoolhouse, Amanda turned her wagon around and dove down main street. Stopping in front of the mercantile, Amanda figured this was the best place to start. Everybody in town must stop by the mercantile at one point or another. Mr. Tompkins should know everybody in town.

Familiar scents of different seasonings and other stock met Amanda as she entered the store.

"Mrs. Sawyer," said Mr. Tompkins as he came out from behind the counter. "What can I do for you today?"

"I would like two licks of liquorice for the girls and answers to a couple of questions if that wouldn't be too much trouble."

"Well," smiled he usually grumpy Mr. Tompkins. "That depends on what your questions are."

"Well you see," said Amanda. "Yesterday, my girls were in town and they bought a book from you."

"Gulliver's travels. Yes, I remember."

"Yes, and they were reading it outside when a man came up to them and asked if they were reading about him. He gave them quite a scare. They both came home crying."

Amanda was surprised when Mr. Tompkins handed her a book. "The many adventures of Wild Bill Hickok." she read out loud. "I don't think I understand. What does this book have to do with anything?"

"That's him," grumbled Mr. Tompkins, back to his old self. "Knew from the very beginning those Pony Express riders would be trouble. But Emma Shannon said she would handle them all. Apparently not by your reports."

"So this Wild Bill Hickok, he works at the Pony Express, does he?" Amanda let that sit for a few moments. "Very well, I will certainly bring him to books. A grown man should know better."

"I most certainly agree, Mrs. Sawyer. Those two girls of yours would never do any harm to anyone." Mr. Tompkins gave the counter a small pound to further prove his point.

"Thank you so much for your information Mr. Tompkins" said Amanda and laid a penny on the counter for the candy.

"You're very welcome and good luck in dealing with young Hickok."

"Thank you very much. I think I shall buy this book as well, for research matters. That way I know what I'm up against." Amanda started to dig into her purse for more money, but Mr. Tompkins stopped her.

"The book is free of charge so long as you put Hickok in his place."

"That you very much. I'm sure I will." She took the book and left the store with newfound determination.


	3. Chapter 2

As school ended, Amanda stood next to the horse and waited for Lizzie and Stephanie to come out. She had something special planned for today, and she had a feeling the two would like it.

"Mama, are we going somewhere?" asked Lizzie. When their mother picked them up from school, it usually meant that they were going somewhere, or that something had happened.

"In a way, we are," explained Amanda. "Would you want to get your book back?" She gave her girls a wicked smile.

"Mama, you can't be serious. That man who took our book, he was really scary an..." Amanda laid a hand on her daughter's shoulder to calm her.

"But with the three of us put together, I bet we're a lot scarier and much more strong that he will ever be. Come on now girls, give me your best angry face." Both girls gave their worst grimace.

"Were we good, mama?" asked Lizzie with an expectant smile on her face. Amanda jumped back in fright.

"I do believe you can manage this without me. You scared me half to death. You both did very well. Now, how about the three of us get going?"

"Mama," asked Lizzie as they were headed out of town. "Are you going to beat him up. Because Martin beat up Terrence after Martin kissed Sally and Terrence..."

"No, Lizzie, I won't beat him up. It isn't a very nice thing to do, beating up people you don't like. Nor is it very ladylike," she explained. Immediately after the words had come out of her mouth Amanda held up her hand to stop Lizzie. "Not even Terrence because Martin kissed Sally."

Lizzie wanted to open her mouth to further explain to her mother that if she didn't beat the man up, then her and her sister would take matters into their own hands. Yet, she knew it wasn't a good idea, because when her mother was determined that something was right, then she was usually right.

As the threesome entered the yard of the Pony Express station, it appeared to be deserted. Amanda and the girls looked around for any sign of life, other than the horses, yet there seemed to be none. That was, until a blond man donning a decorated buckskin jacket came up to them.

"Ma'am," he said, flashing the three of them a bright white smirk. "William F. Cody, at your service. Is there anything I could do for you today?"

"Yes, I do believe there is," said Amanda, flattered by the attention. "I'm looking for a mister James Hickok. I've been told he works here."

Cody fought hard not to let his disappointment at this pretty young woman not coming to the station wanting to see him show. "One moment, ma'am," he said instead. "Mr. Hickok is in the bunkhouse. I'll get him for you." Cody gave a small smile before he walked over to the bunkhouse. In the distance he could hear one of the young girls say, "He's cute, I like him."

"Hey Jimmy," Cody called as he opened the door. "Seems you're the lucky one. There's a lady outside wanting to see you."

"Did she say her name?" Jimmy looked up from cleaning his gun.

"Nope. All I know is that she's pretty and that she asked for you." Jimmy's head shot up at that. Pretty ladies had always caused his interest. Holstering the gun, Jimmy hurried outside, curious as to why this lady wanted to see him.

Once outside, Jimmy stopped dead in his track as he realized who the lady must be. Beside her stood the two girls he had scared the previous day. The lady must be their mother.

"That's him, mama," said one of the little girls. The mother took a step forwards, obviously sizing him up.

"Ma'am," started Jimmy, but he weren't given a chance to continue. The mother headed straight towards Jimmy, her daughters in tow, both of them making scary faces at them. If it weren't for the situation as a whole, Jimmy would have laughed at them.

"What on earth were you thinking? Scaring two little girls like that? Have you no shame? Didn't your mother ever teach you not to pick on those smaller than you?" She now stood mere inches away from Jimmy, her hands firmly planted on her hips.

Jimmy, at first, had been humbled, but now he was enraged. "Do not ever insult my mother!" he hissed. "If you want your book back. Fine. I'll go get it." Jimmy turned on his heel. The woman looked as though Hell had just boiled over and he was the cause. Jimmy did not feel like giving her any further excuse to get mad at him.

"You'd better," she called after him.

Lizzie thought this Mr. Hickok was very rude, especially towards her mother, so she decided then and there to forget everything she had ever been taught about how to act like a lady. Running as fast as she could, she caught up with Mr. Hickok, jumped on his back and hit him over and over again.

"Elizabeth Sawyer!" cried Amanda and pulled her youngest off of Jimmy's back. "Didn't I tell you just a moment ago not to fight?"

"Yes, mama," said Lizzie, shamefully looking down at her shoes.

"That's good. Now Mr. Hickok will get your book, and you young lady are going to apologize for hitting him."

"Yes, mama," said Lizzie again. Stephanie, on the other hand, stood in the background, doing her best not to laugh.

Jimmy did his best not to grin sheepishly. That girl, Elizabeth, sure could throw a punch. "I'll get that book now," he said, leaving the small family alone in the yard.

"I never thought I'd see the day when Jimmy Hickok would get beat up by a girl," grinned the Kid.

Jimmy shook his head and smiled. "In more ways than one. I deserved it." Pulling his trunk out from under his bed, Jimmy retrieved the book and returned outside. Mrs. Sawyer was still reprimanding her daughter about how unladylike it was to fight.

"Ma'am," said Jimmy, all of a sudden feeling a bit shy. It didn't get any better when Mrs. Sawyer turned her attention to him. Jimmy, in turn, turned his attention to the girls. "Young ladies," he said and held out the book to them. The oldest one, the one who hadn't fought him, took a step forwards and retrieved the book. "I'm really sorry for scaring you and for taking your book."

Stephanie looked Jimmy over, holding the book in her hands. She was still sure whether or not she could trust him. Amanda gave Lizzie a small push at the base of her spine.

"Mr. Hickok," said Lizzie in a small voice. "I'm really sorry for beating you up." She didn't dare look up at him, afraid he would not accept her apology.

Jimmy knelt down next to her, so she would have to meet his eyes. "That's alright," he said, "I deserved what I got. Some times a man needs a real lady to put him in his place."

A smile made its way to Lizzie's lips. "Did you hear that mama. I'm a real lady even though I beat him up."

Amanda swallowed and wanted to shake her head. Jimmy, in his own way was right. He needed to be put in his place, but violence was still not the right answer to solving one's problems. "Yes, you are a real lady. But it is still not right to pick a fight with everyone you don't see eye to eye with."

"That's right," Jimmy said. "You shouldn't fight."

Stephanie cut into the current conversation about fighting. "Mr. Hickok. Why did you take the book?" she asked, feeling confident enough to confront him.

Jimmy took a few moments, thinking, before he replied. He looked down before he looked up again. "I thought you were reading about me."

"Is there a book about you?" she asked. The fact that Jimmy had a book written about him, made him more interesting.

"Yes … in a way there is." Jimmy wondered how he was going to explain this in a way the two children would understand. "A while ago, there was this man. He was real city-slicker. His name was J.D. Marcus. You see, the two of us didn't see eye to eye on anything. In the end I was so provoked that I decided to fight him. As revenge, he wrote a book about me." He turned to Lizzie. "See how fighting is not a good idea. It never leads to anything good."

"How is it revenge if he wrote a book about you?" Stephanie cut in. She wasn't sure she understood the point in Jimmy's story.

"Because every word in that book is a lie. Marcus wrote about me, making me out to be a gunslinger, and that I had killed many men. Some of the men he said I'd killed weren't even dead. The thing is, a lot of people that don't know me thought the stories were real. They believed every word he had written. I didn't want the two of you to read that. His lies. That day, when I scared you, I was angry at the world and I took it out on the two of you. For that, I am sorry."

Stephanie thought about Jimmy's words for a moment before making a decision. Finally, she said, "You are forgiven."

"Yep," Lizzie shot in. "What that Marcus man did to you was evil and I shall beat him up for you. What he did was worse that the time Terrence beat up Martin because Martin kissed Sally. Where does he live?"

"Now Lizzie, that will be quite enough of that," admonished Amanda. "Nobody is going to beat up anyone. Especially not you."

"Yes mama." Then she looked up at Jimmy. "But he still deserves it," she muttered under her breath.

"That may be so, but your mother is right. Fighting never did anyone any good," Jimmy said in a soft voice. Then he looked at both of the girls in turn. "There is something I've been wondering about. My reading has never been too good, and since the two of you are so good at it, would you like to teach me?"

Both of the girls and Jimmy looked up at Amanda, silently asking it would be alright for them to teach Jimmy to read. When Amanda gave a small nod Stephanie said, "We will teach you.

"That's great," said Jimmy as his face broke into a wide grin. "I know the two of you will be great teachers."

Amanda smiled at Jimmy's change in demeanor, sensing that his outburst in town the other day had been a one-time event. "Come on now girls." She reached out for her daughter's hands. "I think it's time for us to get home. We've got to take care of the chickens, and I'm sure you two have some homework to do as well." The girls nodded and Amanda smiled up at Jimmy. "Since tomorrow isn't a school day, perhaps you could come by around noon."

"I can do that," said Jimmy, figuring he'd better get up early to get all his chores done before noon. And when he thought about it, he now had a good reason not to do a chunk of Cody's chores as well, since he was out on a run.

"Thank you so much for agreeing to teach me how to read," he said to Lizzie and Stephanie.

In the background, Teaspoon sat next to Emma on the porch. The two of them watch in pride how Jimmy handled the situation.

"It's good that Jimmy is finally learning how to read," mused Emma.

"Sure is," agreed Teaspoon. "I wouldn't bet my bottom dollar he'd turn into a bookworm like Cody, but gaining a new ability makes a body proud. And he is handling the girls very well, don't ya think? I fear our boy may be growing up."

"Well, Mr. Spoon, growing up can be a good thing, and Jimmy's going about it in a good way. He's maturing, but not forgetting what it's like to not have a care in the world." Emma smiled a secret smile. "Come on, Mr. Spoon. It's time to start dinner. Sam's coming by today."

Teaspoon smiled at that. Sam seemed to be stopping by a lot lately, and it seemed to make Emma happy.


	4. Chapter 3

The following morning, Jimmy woke up much earlier than he had intended. He tossed and turned or a while before he decided he might as well get up. Balancing against the corral fence, watching the horses start to wake up, Jimmy let out a happy sigh. Finally things seemed to be coming together.

"Beautiful morning, ain't it." Teaspoon came up beside him.

"Yeah," said Jimmy and with a small smile he turned to watch the sunrise Climbing up on the fence, Jimmy rested his head in his hands.

"Jimmy. I know what you did, and I want you to know that I'm really proud of you. You handled yourself well yesterday. Not many men would have done what you did."

In the dim light it was obvious to see Jimmy blushing.

"It's true," said Teaspoon with pride. "You're a good man, and yesterday you proved that to yourself, and to the rest of the world."

"Thanks," said Jimmy, blushing. He wasn't used to receiving praise from anyone. "I think I'd better get a start on today's chores."

As the conversation ended, Jimmy started on his chores and looked forwards to the reading lesson he would have later that day. Secretly, he'd wanted to learn how to read for a long time. He would never admit it to anyone, but he'd often wondered about all the adventures Cody spoke so passionately about.

He wanted to show Amanda, as well as the girls, how serious he was about learning to read that he ended up putting on his best suit and combed his hair.

As he saddled Sundance, Jimmy thought the mare seemed to be laughing at him. All duded up like he was. "You keep that up and you'll be missing your supper."

Sundance snorted. "You care about me way too much to not feet. And besides, you'll end up feeling so guilty about saying such things, that you'll give me extra to make up for it."

"You know me all too well," Jimmy mumbled.

The ride to the farm seemed to take forever. It was only a couple of miles, but to Jimmy it felt like an overnight run. He pushed Sundance harder and harder. He wanted to make a good impression and that also meant not being late.

Upon finally entering the farmyard, Jimmy stopped and looked around.

"Morning, Mr. Hickok," said Amanda with a smile as he came out on the porch to greet him. "The girls are almost finished with their chores. Why don't you come and have some lemonade with me while we wait."

"I'd appreciate that. And please call me Jimmy. Whenever I hear someone refer to me as Mr. Hickok, I think they're talking to my father."

"All right then, Jimmy. Come on inside and have some lemonade."

Jimmy smiled and tethered Sundance to the railing before he followed after Amanda into the house. Upon entering the house, Jimmy looked around in awe. This was exactly what he imagined a home would be like. It really felt like a family who loved each other lived there.

"Is something wrong?" asked Amanda, giving him an odd look.

"You have a really nice home," said Jimmy once his trance had been broken.

"Thank you," smiled Amanda and blushed. "Why don't you sit down on the settee and I'll get us that Lemonade." Jimmy sat down and thought to himself that he couldn't wait to have a home like this one day – with a wife and children running outside.

"For your kind compliments on my home, you have earned the right to have a cookie," said Amanda as she came back out of the kitchen carrying a tray with lemonade and a cookie for them both.

Jimmy took the refreshments offered and wanted to savor it all for as long as he could. "I ought to make you compliments more often if it means that I'll get one of these cookies."

Amanda smiled as Lizzie and Stephanie came rushing into the living room. They'd seen Jimmy's house outside.

"Mr. Hickok, are you ready for your lesson?" Asked Stephanie with Lizzie standing next to her, nodding like she was telling his which answer was the correct one.

"Yes," said Jimmy as he put down the glass of Lemonade. "I suppose I am."

"That's good," said Stephanie. "Lizzie, will you please go get our readers and slates." Again, Lizzie nodded, but this time in agreement before she rushed up the stairs.

"I think it's time for me to start lunch. Jimmy would you like to stay over?"

"If your lunch is as good as your cookies, then I would love to stay," Jimmy smiled and winked at her.

"Then it's settled," Amanda smiled back. Neither of them noticed the frown on Stephanie's face. When Amanda entered the kitchen, Lizzie came back down the stairs. The girls sat down opposite Jimmy.

"So," said Stephanie in a brisk voice. "What do you know when it comes to reading?"

"Stephanie, that's rude," gasped Lizzie at her sister.

"That's not rude," Jimmy cut in before the two sisters would get into a fight, which as of late seemed to be an interest of Lizzie. "How are you two supposed to teach me anything at all if you don't know what I already know."

"You're right," said Lizzie in a low voice. "I'm sorry."

"That's alright," as he turned his attention to the both of them. "I know a couple of letters but that's about it."

"Then we need to start with the alphabet and begin with the readers later," said Stephanie in a firm teacher-like voice, as he put away the readers and pulled out the slate.

When half an hour had passed, Jimmy had learned how to write most of the alphabet – everything up to the letter L. His writing wasn't as neat as Stephanie would like it, and he still got the D's and B's confused. But still, he met her approval. The confusion between D's and B's was the only thing that he had to pay special attention to.

"Jimmy," asked Lizzie after a while. "Why haven't you learned how to read before?" She looked up at him, curiosity in her eyes.

Jimmy had no idea how he was going to answer that. For all that the girls had done for him, he felt he owed them the truth. Yet, he didn't want to tell them how cruel the world could be.

"Um, I didn't have the opportunity to when I was your age." He stopped to think. "But I'm learning now, and that's a good thing."

"What didn't you have the opportunity to learn?" Lizzie prodded.

Jimmy looked around, desperate to find a way out and to fight off bad memories. "Um, the while I went to school I wasn't very good at it … and things happened..." His father dying in arms were one of them.

Amanda had finished lunch a while ago, and was now listening at the door. It seemed Jimmy was an eager student and that her daughter's were good teachers. She smiled at the knowledge that she had raised her them right.

When their conversation turned to more serious matters, her eyes closed and she really felt for Jimmy. She had wondered why he hadn't learned. He was a smart man, and there should be nothing standing in his way.

Amanda sighed and breathed out before she came into the living room. "Lunch is ready. I really do hope you've all worked up an appetite."

"I sure have," grinned Jimmy, and with pride he showed Amanda the slate he had been working on before she entered the room. He was happy the conversation could turn into a topic he was more comfortable with.

"That's great," praised Amanda and gave Jimmy a hug. "Let's go into the kitchen to eat."

As he walked into the kitchen, Jimmy had a grin plastered on his face. Sitting down at the table, his smile only grew as he discovered that lunch was an apple pie and lemonade. This sure was a treat, and not an every-day lunch. The pie was even so good that it battled Emma's. If Jimmy would have a choice in the matter, he would gladly live off of Amanda's pie.

"This is delicious. My compliments to the chef," he said in a perfect imitation of Teaspoon, making Lizzie giggle.

"Thank you," smiled Amanda, before she turned to her youngest. "Mind your manners young lady."

"Sorry mama." Lizzie looked down at her plate. Jimmy didn't say anything, but gave Lizzie a little wink, letting her know it was okay.

"Mama," asked Stephanie suddenly after a few moments of silence. "Is Jimmy going to be our new papa?" She looked at Jimmy with skepticism.

Jimmy froze, his fork halfway between the plate and his mouth.

"Stephanie," gasped Amanda as her hand went to her mouth. "That's not a nice thing to ask." Stephanie didn't say anything to that, but continued with her meal in silence. Amanda let the matter drop, simply because it would be more embarrassing for both her and Jimmy. God knew he must be embarrassed enough as it is.

After the meal had been eaten, Jimmy helped Amanda with the dishes. "I know I have a run later today, but I may have to pass it up on account of eating too much."

Amanda turned to him. "Jimmy, I'm sorry about what Stephanie said earlier. She's been missing her father and..." She had no idea how to continue.

"Don't worry about it. Most of the time, children say the first thing that pops into their minds. But at least they're being honest. That's more than what can be said for most adults." Jimmy smiled in an effort to cheer up Amanda.

"Still, I should talk to her."

"Amanda." Jimmy took a step forwards, being persistent. "A couple of days ago, her and Lizzie ran away from me, screaming bloody murder. I'd say wondering if I'm their new papa is a step up."

"But still..." Amanda looked out the window, watching Lizzie pet Sundance while Stephanie was standing in the background. "Any normal man would have ran for the hills if they heard a little girl say something like that."

"You saying I'm not normal?" Jimmy arched a brow.

"That's not what I meant..." Amanda hurried to say, not catching the glint in his eyes. "What I meant was..."

"Take it easy." Jimmy grabbed a hold of Amanda's shoulders to calm her. "I was only pulling your leg. I already not to worry about it. And besides, I'm still here."

"Thank you." Amanda let out a sigh in relief.

"You're more than welcome." Jimmy couldn't help but to notice how pale Amanda suddenly seemed. "Would you like to sit down?" He didn't wait for an answer, but puled out a chair and placed her in it.

"Thank you again," she said as she took a sip of the water he had given her.

"You're welcome. Are you sure you're going to be alright? Do you need a doctor?"

"No, no," Amanda hurried to say. "I'm alright. I didn't mean to put you out."

"No, you're not. I want to be here. You're a friend." At least he hoped she was a friend. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Oh, Jimmy..." Amanda looked up at Jimmy with a glint of hope in her eyes. "I have no idea what I'm going to do. It's been so hard without their father here. Working the farm and keeping an eye on the girls at the same time." She shook her head. "Guess everything just came out all at once, huh?"

"It's alright," said Jimmy, nodding in sympathy. He'd seen first hand how hard it was for a woman alone to run a farm and look after children at the same time. He, himself, hadn't made it any easier for his mother. "Amanda, you're probably one of the strongest women I know. You're doing a great job raising the girls."

"I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world," Amanda took another drink of her water.

"How about this?" Every day when I don't have a run, I'll come over and help you with farming. Harvest is coming up and..."

"Jimmy, you don't have to do this."

"Why not, Amanda? I want to do this, for you and for the girls." Jimmy looked at her, the expression in his eyes telling her she didn't have much choice in the matter.

"Mama, are you alright?" asked Stephanie as she and her sister entered the kitchen.

"I'm alright," said Amanda. "I just lost my breath, is all. Lucky for me, Jimmy was here to help me." Stephanie looked at Jimmy and gave him a small nod in approval.

"Mama, you should go lie down. Lizzie and I will finish the dishes." Stephanie's voice made it clear that this was not a request. Jimmy fought not to chuckle at the girl's determination.

"I can't argue with that," said Amanda. She gave Jimmy a small smile before she said goodbye to Jimmy and headed upstairs. Perhaps it would be good for her to spend some time reflecting on what had happened today. Downstairs, she could hear Jimmy and the girls continue with the dishes.

Sitting down on her bed, Amanda picked up the picture of her and her husband on their wedding day. "What on earth am I going to do? You were always the strong one and always here for me. For a long time, I felt like I was all alone in the world. Jimmy's such a good friend and I'm not alone anymore."


	5. Chapter 4

After all the chores in the house and the barn had been done, Jimmy, Lizzie and Stephanie decided that the next reading lesson would be in four days. It was the first coming day that Jimmy didn't have a run, so he would be able to come over after his chores at the station had been done.

As he rode home, Jimmy was already looking forwards to his next lesson. He would practice his writing the letters in order to impress Lizzie and Stephanie. Both girls, and especially Stephanie liked to have things neat, so I wanted to have a neat handwriting. Amanda would also be impressed. Jimmy smiled when he thought about her. She was beautiful and one of the strongest women he had ever laid eyes on. She was the kind of person who would never give up.

Stephanie had asked if he was going to be their new papa. Jimmy didn't know much about being a father, down the road he wouldn't mind being a husband. Especially if it meant that Amanda was his wife. As he gave Sundance free reins, the thought occurred to him that Amanda was quite a bit older. He didn't know how old she was, but she had to be about 5 years older than him, going on Stephanie's age. He wondered if this was something he should be concerned about. As his thoughts knotted themselves, Jimmy decided he wasn't going to think about it. What was more concerning, was that he was falling for a widow with two children. No, he couldn't think like that. Jimmy let his mind drift towards how pretty he thought Amanda's smile were.

When he entered the station, Jimmy quickly wiped the smile off of his face. Outside the barn, Teaspoon was standing, arms across his chest and a frown on his chest.

"Jimmy," he said. "We expected you back earlier. Buck had to take your run for you. You're not the only one to get time off work, you know."

"I know Teaspoon, I'm sorry, but..." Jimmy weren't given a chance to finish.

"Jimmy, I think it's great that you're learning a new skill and all, but you have to remember your responsibilities. You're being paid to take runs, not to skip them because you feel you have something better to do."

"I know Teaspoon, and I'm sorry for missing my run. I promise I'll make it up to Buck. You see, Amanda lost her husband a while back. And she doesn't have anyone to help her around the farm and such. She's been working really hard, and when I offered to help her out, I think it all sort of caught up with her. I didn't mean to upset her, I really didn't. Earlier, Amanda laid down for a while because she was really pale and because Stephanie said she should." He decided against telling Teaspoon about the question Stephanie had asked. "I helped them around the house and farm so Amanda didn't have to do anything right after she felt better." Jimmy couldn't believe he had said this much. He had more or less told Teaspoon everything that went on inside his head.

Teaspoon sighed. To be honest, he couldn't think of a better reason to miss a run. "I know you're only trying to help out, but you have to use that head of yours as well. Go take care of your horse now, and then clean out all the stalls."

Jimmy nodded. He didn't want to clean out all the stalls. It was the chore he hated the most, but he had lost the right to complain. He would have to take his punishment for what it was. As he brushed down Sundance, he had to smile. "I'm really lucky, you know that," he spoke in a soft voice. "I just don't know if I'm patient enough to give Amanda the space that she needs. I'm not used to being patient though. I''ll try my best to learn." Sundance nodded her head, hoping Jimmy would give her some extra treats for her agreement.

When Jimmy finished the chores he'd been given by Teaspoon, it was starting to get dark and he hurried to wash up. While he'd been working, he couldn't stop himself from thinking about Amanda. And he laid down on his bunk for the night, pictures of her swam before his eyes.

"I know that look," Cody smirked. "You're a lovesick puppy."

"And you're not," Jimmy smirked back.

"So, tell us about her," prompted Cody. "Who is she? What she like?"

"Yeah, Jimmy," grinned Kid. "Who's the woman that has captured your heart?"

"Amanda Sawyer," sighed Jimmy.

"Jimmy, are you sure that's a good idea? From what I heard she lost her husband just a little while ago. She has two kids." Kid looked at his friend in concern.

"I know that, but that ain't going to stop me from thinking about her." He knew what Kid meant. Amanda was a widow, not to mention that if something were to happen between them, there were two little ones to take into consideration.

"Just take things easy," offered Lou. "For now, support her, be her friend. When the time is right, tell her how you feel." Ike nodded his head in agreement.

"Thanks Lou. Ike," said Jimmy before Ike blew out the lamp.

Even though darkness engulfed the bunkhouse, Jimmy had a hard time finding sleep. Or maybe it was that sleep wouldn't find him. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Amanda. She was there when he opened his eyes as well. He would see her again in four days, and from where Jimmy was standing, four days seemed like an eternity.

When morning came, Jimmy woke up with a smile on his face. He'd been having such a great dream about Amanda. The two had been riding in the meadow after having shared a picnic. Amanda had brought her apple pie. They sat together, watching the sunset. They were just about to kiss when the dream ended.

Why did it have to end just there?

"Who do you think he's dreaming about?" asked Cody. "It couldn't be a certain Amanda Sawyer..."

Jimmy grinned. "Yep. That's her." Sitting up, he reached for his trousers. There was no point denying who he was thinking about. Even though he hadn't said it with so many words, they all knew.

"Jimmy," said Cody with a wide grin. "From everyone here, I would like to say that we're happy for you. Amanda is a great woman. My question is, if she doesn't want you, can I have her?"

Jimmy smirked and threw his pillow at Cody.

"Guess that's answer enough," grinned Cody as Jimmy disappeared out the door.

Once outside, Jimmy splashed water from the barrel on his face and looked at his reflection in the mirror. Could he really have a future with Amanda? He admired her in more ways than one. She had more spunk that any woman he had ever met. Not many would walk straight up to a man they had never met before and cuss him out for his mistakes. Perhaps that was the very moment when he had fallen for her. Amanda knew that she was in the right, and wouldn't give up until he had seen the error of his ways.

"Jimmy," said Emma as she came up behind him. "Can we talk?"

"Sure thing Emma," said Jimmy, and together the two walked towards the main house and sat down on the porch swing.

"Jimmy, I would like to talk to you about Amanda."

"Yeah," said Jimmy. He wasn't sure where this was going. Nor was he sure he wanted to talk about Amanda with Emma. He knew Emma was a smart lady, but it would be strange talking to her about women. Jimmy had a feeling that in the way Emma took care of them all, she saw herself as their mother of sorts. If his own mother was still alive, he would never talk to her about women.

"I suppose you know that Amanda lost her husband in a riding accident last year."

"She mentioned something about it yesterday when I was visiting the farm, yes." Jimmy felt a bit apprehensive about the conversation.

"Jimmy, I want you to understand that the relationship between a wife and her husband is a special one. It isn't something that goes away just because on of them has passed on."

"I know that Emma. Though I'm not sure where you're going with this."

"Jimmy, I may be an old woman, but I know the look on your face. You like her."

"Um..." Jimmy was mortified. He had no idea how he was going to respond to Emma. It was as though she could read his mind. "I guess you're right..." There was no other way than telling Emma the truth.

Emma nodded her head. "I think it's great that you like I girl, really do, but there's something you have to remember. Amanda isn't just any lady. She's a widow and has two children to take care of. Children, they're a lot of work."

"Don't you think I know that," said Jimmy, instantly regretting that he was raising his voice. It wasn't Emma's fault she was telling him something he already knew. "I'm sorry. I know that, and I respect Amanda. I really do. I know she's been through a lot."

"I know you do. What I'm trying to say is that you need to take it easy. You like her. Anyone with eyes can see that. But she may not be ready for that step. Do you understand?"

"I understand, Emma. If friends is all she wants to be, then friends we'll be. I'll help her out at the farm when I'm not working here. And if things evolve from that, then I can just consider myself a lucky man."

Emma smiled. "As long as you don't forget that. You got a good head on your shoulders and I'm sure you'll be just fine."

"Thanks Emma." Jimmy smiled as his sense of pride and confidence grew.

XXX

Four days passed faster than Jimmy expected. He figured it was mostly because Teaspoon had him doing chores and runs from sunup until sundown. Yet, whenever he had the opportunity to take a break, he sat down and thought about Amanda. The other guys teased him about it, but for the most part they just left him alone.

When Jimmy entered the farm yard, Stephanie and Lizzie came running towards him. He smiled and waved in greeting. Lizzie stopped in front of Sundance and petted her nose.

"Pretty horse," she cooed as Sundance nudged her shoulder, encouraging more attention. Jimmy grinned at the pair. Lizzie was good with animals.

"Good day," said Amanda, taking a break in the chore of hanging the laundry.

"Hallo," Grinned Jimmy. Amanda was as beautiful as ever. "I hope I'm not too late."

"No, you're not," said Stephanie. "I'll get our slates. Lizzie, will you come with me?" The youngest girl nodded and ran to catch up with her sister.

"The girls haven't stopped talking about you," said Amanda as Jimmy began to help her with the laundry, handing her pins whenever needed. I think you may have two admirers."

Jimmy grinned. "Just so long as they don't believe anything they read."

Amanda was about to give an answer, but was interrupted by Lizzie tugging on Jimmy's hand.

"Come Jimmy," Lizzie pulled him towards the bench on the porch. "Today, we'll teach you the rest of the alphabet. Then you'll soon be able to read on your own."

"I'm sure I will with as good teachers as the two of you," Jimmy grinned sandwiched on the bench between the girls.

Amanda smiled from where she stood by the clothesline. Jimmy handled the girls very well. She would never have expected that from the brute who had scared them half to death just a week previous.

Hanging clothes to dry seemed to take a long time that day.

As the lesson came to an end, Jimmy now knew the whole alphabet and could identify all the letters. He was right proud of himself.

"Let's hear it then," said Amanda. "Can you recite it for me?"

The mere thought of reciting the whole thing for Amanda made him nervous. But he knew he could do it. After taking a moment to breathe, he, one by one, pointed to each letter and told her what it was called.

"That's great," exclaimed Amanda with a bright smile and gave Jimmy a hug. Without giving it a second thought, Jimmy rose to his feet and twirled her in the air, hugging her back.

"I owe it all to those two," said Jimmy as he put her down.

Amanda's grin matched that of Jimmy's. "All three of you have worked very hard, and as a reward I have a little surprise for you in the kitchen."

"Do you?" asked Lizzie, her eyes wide in anticipation.

"Would I ever lie to you?" Amanda smiled down at her daughter. "Everybody come inside now." Efficiently, Amanda herded the the three of them into the kitchen. The surprise was an applepie.

"Now I regret not learning how to read sooner," said Jimmy as his stomach let out a loud grumble.

"I don't," said Lizzie. "If you learned sooner, that would mean we wouldn't get to teach you, and then we wouldn't have this pie."

"That's true," said Amanda and winked at Jimmy. As she cut the pie, the delicious scent of apple and cinnamon spread throughout the house. "Everybody eat up now."

"I'm sure I will," Jimmy complimented her. "I've never tasted pie this good before."


	6. Chapter 5

As time progressed, Jimmy's reading improved in great strides. For every little achievement he reached, every chapter of a book he finished, Amanda baked apple pie for them all to enjoy. Jimmy didn't know if it was the truth or if it was just him, but he had a feeling the pies were just getting better and better. He began to bring a book with him on runs so he could read a little before turning in for the night. Soon he would be finished with his very first book. "Gulliver's Travels in Lilliput".

Jimmy wanted to have the book finished before his next visit to the farm. That way, he could show off his biggest achievement yet. More than once, when he sat in the bunkhouse, he had been asked to read out loud to the others, but he wasn't confident to do that just yet. Reading out loud to his friends could be his next goal.

At the moment, the only people he had read out loud to were Emma, the girls and Amanda. He trusted them and they didn't become impatient as he struggled his way through the story. They just waited for him to figure out on his own the words. It bothered him that even though he knew all the letters and how they formed different words, they seemed to swim randomly around the page, making reading harder.

Jimmy adored the two girls. Lizzie who swore she would never grow up, and Stephanie who was grown up enough for the both of them. The more time he spent at Amanda's, either practicing his reading, or helping out with things that needed to be done around the farm, the more Jimmy imagined what it would be like to have children of his own one day. The thoughts made their way into his mind, even though he had no idea whether or not he would be a great father. Amazingly enough, no one had come after Jimmy since Caulder, but Teaspoon had told him there were still men out there, more than ready to make a name for themselves.

The thought of being a hunted man scared Jimmy. It was one of the main reasons why he had never tried to pursue a relationship with Amanda. She had already been widowed once in her life, and in Jimmy's opinion that was one time too many.

As he rode up to the farm, his disposition changed when thought about the friendships he had gained in Amanda and in the two girls. He was lucky to have friends like the three of them, and he had no right to complain. From now on, he would count his blessings, not his sorrows.

Lizzie excited to see him, ran towards Jimmy, much in the same fashion as a tornado would rampage through a field. Jimmy smiled and waved at her, this making him unaware that the tornado that was Lizzie spooked Sundance. It did not take long before Jimmy found himself sprawled on the ground. The world around his disappearing.

"Mama! Mama! I killed Jimmy!" shrieked the girl as she stood frozen to the ground, tears making their way down her cheeks.

"Lizzie! What's going on?" asked Amanda as she came out on the porch as she took in the sight before her. "Stephanie, take care of your sister!" she called behind her as she ran towards where Jimmy lay unconscious on the ground.

"Jimmy, what happened to you?" she asked the man as she laid his head in her lap, cradling him. Slowly, he began to wake up. The bloody wound he sported on his forehead confirmed that he had landed on a stone.

In the background, Stephanie held her sister as she sobbed.

Amanda..." mumbled Jimmy. "You look like an angel from up above..."

"Shh now," she soothed and placed a delicate finger on his lips. "A woman always enjoys compliments, but now is not the time. Lizzie, Stephanie, could you come here for a moment?" The two girls carefully approached, Lizzie still clinging to her older sister. "See, Jimmy isn't dead, but he hit his head and he needs a doctor. Why don't the three of us get him inside. He'll be more comfortable there. The the two of you can babysit him while I ride for the doctor."

The two girls nodded seriously and together they helped Jimmy inside and lay him down on the couch.

"I'm sorry for almost killing you," said Lizzie as she fluffed Jimmy's pillow for him. "I really didn't mean to."

Jimmy reached out to take her hand. "I know you didn't. I'll be right as rain again, you'll see. Especially when I have the three of you pretty ladies to take care of me."

Amanda's face turned a shade of scarlet red as she pressed a cloth to Jimmy's would to help stop the bleeding. "I'll ride into town to get the doctor for you and then I'll let everyone at the station know what happened so they won't worry."

Time passed slowly as Lizzie and Stephanie waited for the doctor to arrive. While they waited Jimmy slipped in and out of consciousness and muttered incomprehensibly to himself. Lizzie would not stop crying and Stephanie found it hard to be the adult one. Normally, she didn't mind, but right now, she just wanted to be a little girl again.

"It's going to be alright," Stephanie told her sister as she wiped the younger one's tears. "Jimmy is going to be just fine. Mama's gone for the doctor so he can stitch him up and make him alright again. He's going to rest up a couple of days, and then he'll be just as he used to."

"But I nearly killed him!"

"No, you didn't kill him," said Stephanie with determination. "Look at him. He's sleeping. He's resting. Resting is good when you're not feeling well. Remember when you had the chicken pox? You rested for a while and now you're fine again."

Lizzie was about to answer her sister when there was a knock on the door and the doctor came in. She released the cloth she had been holding to Jimmy's forehead and ran to hug the doctor as though he were her savior. "You got to help Jimmy. I almost killed him and..."

"There, there Lizzie," the doctor said and returned the hug he had been given. "Your mother will be her shortly. She just went to the station to let everyone know what's going on. In the meantime, why don't we take a look at our patient?" Lizzie nodded her head and led the doctor to the couch.

"I held the cloth to his head just like mama showed me to do."

"You did really well Lizzie," said the doctor as he examined Jimmy's wounded head. "Lizzie, would you like to hold his hand while I stitch him up? You too, Stephanie. I think he'd like that. Getting stitches can hurt a little."

The two girls nodded and they both took Jimmy's hand in their own.

The doctor did a quick job of stitching Jimmy. The wound had been smaller than what first appeared on account of the blood. Wounds on the head always bled more. In the end, Jimmy only needed 5 stitches. What worried him more was Jimmy's unconscious state. "You have both been excellent helpers," he said as he turned to the girls. "Why don't you go outside and wait for your mama to come home." He wanted to be alone with Jimmy for a bit, trying to wake him up, learning the true state of his condition.

Reluctantly, they did as asked.

Sighing the doctor took the smelling salts out of his bag and held it under Jimmy's nose, hoping it would be enough. "Come on now, wake up." The older man suspected a concussion, and wanted Jimmy awake to see what state he was in.

Jimmy gasped and moved his hand to get the foul smell as far away from him as possible. He looked at the doctor and grumbled something about getting the foulness away from him. The doctor smiled. "I think you'll be alright."

It was at that moment, Amanda came rushing in the door with Teaspoon and Emma in tow. All three of them were out of breath from having ridden hard.

"I think he'll be alright," soothed the doctor before any of the three of them had a chance to ask about their wounded friend. "He'll need lots of rest and caring for, but then I hope he'll be good as new."

"Mama, see, I didn't kill Jimmy!" Lizzie laughed and hugged her mother before she led her to the couch. "See, he's alive."

"Hi," Jimmy smiled sheepishly as he attempted to sit up, but winced in pain as he tried to do so. "What happened?"

"You feel off your horse and hit your head. Do you remember?" Slowly and with effort, Jimmy shook his head.

"After a fall like that," said the doctor, "it's normal not to remember everything that happened." He smirked at Jimmy. "As I've already told the others, I can't stress that you need plenty of rest and for you to take it easy."

Jimmy nodded even though it felt like he had a heard of buffalo dancing on his head.

"I'll come back and check on you in the morning. Amanda, I could pick the girls up from school at the same time. Would that be alright?"

"Thank you so very much. That would save me from a trip to town."

"I'll stay her and cook all of you some lunch," announced Emma. She laid a hand on Amanda's shoulder and gave her a small wink, whispering to her it was okay to spend some time alone with Jimmy.

Teaspoon smiled as well. "I'll go help her." He pointed towards the door to the kitchen. "Don't wear him out now," he winked. "I still need him for the runs, and I don't want to be a rider short for longer than I need to. Girls, why don't you come with me."

For the second time in the same day, Amanda blushed scarlet red. She turned to Jimmy and smiled. "Is there anything you need?" she asked.

Jimmy thought about that one for a while before he answered. "Just you, Amanda. I've cared about you for a long time. I just didn't know how to say it before now. Never the right time."

"I care about you too, Jimmy. I just didn't know how to say it before now either." Amanda pulled a blanket up over his shoulders and placed a light kiss on his forehead, careful to avoid the newly made stitches. "I know you shouldn't sleep too much with a concussion, but you should rest. Sure there isn't anything you need?" She wanted to keep him occupied so he wouldn't get worse.

Now that they had admitted their feelings for one another, it was easy for them to spend time together without having to carefully skirt around the topic of their feelings. It would become easier for them to have a conversation about something other than his reading or the girls.

"A kiss will do me a long time." Jimmy grinned slyly.

"One kiss coming right up." Amanda leaned down and placed a small kiss on his lips. "You're a good kisser," she said before she suddenly became aware of her daughters having come out of the kitchen. She sighed as she realized that they hadn't born witness to the kiss.

"Mama," asked Lizzie as she approached the two adults. "What's going to happen now?"

Amanda cast a quick glance at Jimmy, who looked about as confused as she felt. "Jimmy is going to stay with us for a few days, until he's back on his feet. It's much calmer here than at the station. The three of us will look after him."

"Yes, mama," said Stephanie. She had eventually warmed up to Jimmy, feeling he was no longer a threat to the memory of his father.

"I'm sorry I almost kill Jimmy."

"I know you are, but none of this is your fault. Do you understand?" Lizzie nodded. "Good."

"Can I give Jimmy a hug to make it up."

"Sure you can," said Jimmy and the youngest girl went up to him and laid her arms around his shoulders.

"I'll make sure you'll be all better soon."

Then the two girls sat down on the floor next to the couch. Stephanie had found his book in Jimmy's coat, located the bookmark and began to read the story for him. He was at the second to last chapter.

Just and Stephanie finished the chapter and put the book away, Emma came into the living room, telling them that lunch was ready. During the reading, Jimmy had fallen asleep, exhausted after everything that had happed that day.

Everybody gathered in the living room, none of them too comfortable with leaving Jimmy alone for longer periods of time. Every once in a while, Jimmy disrupted the meal with a snore. Lizzie found them hilarious and giggled every time she heard them.

Teaspoon smiled and winked at Emma. This was one rider's love life they didn't have to worry about.


	7. Chapter 6

The next time Jimmy opened his eyes, it took him a few moments to remember where he was and how he had gotten here. Looking up, he saw Amanda sitting on a chair next to the couch. "Hi," he smiled and stretched his tired body, making himself as long as he could. "How long have I been out?"

"You've been in and out for the better part of a day. The doctor said not to let you sleep too long at one time. Just to be sure." Amanda returned his smile. "Do you remember what happened to you?" She had to ask the question again. Him drifting in and out worried her, and head injuries could quickly become more serious than originally thought.

"I remember falling off of Sundance. I think I hit my head because everything went dark after that." He reached up and touched the bandage there. "Yep, I did," he smirked. "The doctor was here. I remember that. And..." he stopped for a moment. "And I remember that we..." He wanted to say kissed, but he could not bring his mouth to form the word. "How's Sundance?" he asked to change the topic of conversation.

"She's alright. She was just a little spooked. Teaspoon took her home and I'm pretty sure she's resting in the barn now. The girls gave her an apple before Teaspoon took her home." Amanda noticed that he avoided talking about the kiss. Perhaps it wasn't the right time for them to discuss what would happen next in their budding relationship.

That made Jimmy smile. "They're good kids. You should be proud of them."

"I am," said Amanda, a smile forming on her lips. "How's your head?" She couldn't help herself. A finger touched the edge of the bandage around Jimmy's head. He took her hand in his.

"I've been better," he said. "But it was worse before."

"That's good," Amanda squeezed his hand. "The girls have been worried about you. I finally convinced them to get to bed. They were scared when you fell. Lizzie thought she had killed you."

"There's nothing to worry about. I'll be right as rain before you know it," said Jimmy reassuringly. "I've fallen of a horse hundred of times and I'm still alive."

"I only think that was part of the reason why they were scared, Jimmy..." Amanda swallowed hard and looked down at her lap. "There's something I haven't told you. I think we should talk about it seeing are you're a part of our lives now, not to mention that the girls adore you – especially Lizzie."

Jimmy struggled a bit to sit up, feeling dizzy. "Come sit down next to me." She did, and he put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to him. "Whatever it is, you can tell me."

"Thank you, I know." Amanda leaned into his embrace. "The girls' were scared today because of how their father died."

Jimmy nodded, but held his tongue. He had heard the story from Emma, but it was also Amanda's story to tell. It was up to her what to tell him.

"Jimmy, their father, my husband, Thomas, died falling from a horse. The Doctor told me that he had broken his neck. His horse was spooked by some small animal. A rabbit or something. It all happened so fast..." Amanda found herself having trouble speaking as her eyes closed as images of that fateful day she had become a widow forced themselves upon her.

"Shh," spoke Jimmy in a soothing voice. "It's alright. I didn't mean to scare the girls like that." He pulled Amanda close to him and let her head rest on his shoulder. "If you'd like, I could talk to them tomorrow before school."

"I think they'd like that, but I think it would be better if I talk to them," said Amanda. "That day was the first time they had ever seen anyone fall off a horse. They must think that every time someone falls off a horse, they … die." There was an urge within her to move even closer to Jimmy. She scooted over a little bit and was met by his embrace.

"It's gonna be alright," said Jimmy in a low voice. "Your girls are lucky. They have you for a mama and their dad was a good man."

"He was a good man," said Amanda. "The girls won't forget that." She was about to continue with her train of thought, but something in Jimmy's voice had stopped her. Pulling back from the embrace, their eyes met. "Jimmy, didn't you gave a good mom and dad?" He looked down, but lifted his head when she touched his cheek.

"Let's not talk about that now," said Jimmy after a moment of silence so dense it could have been cut with a knife.

"If you want to," said Amanda. "We can talk. That's what friends are for."

Friends, Jimmy thought bitterly. If we're just friends, how come she kissed me earlier?

"Jimmy, what's going on in that head of yours?" asked Amanda. Again, he looked anywhere but at her. "Your eyes, they're so dark." She had no other way to explain it. She didn't know if it was the concussion or the subject of conversation.

"Shh, Amanda. It's nothing." He drew her close. "Sometimes I just think too much and it makes my head hurt."

"Thinking is overrated. Haven't anyone ever told you that?" Jimmy shook his head.

There was a long silence between the two. And even though it had been tense before, now it was a comfortable silence. They sat next to each other in the semi-darkness, holding each other close.

"My father wasn't a good man," Jimmy said suddenly. "A lot of people seems to think he was a good man. He did a lot of good for a lot of people. But he was far from being a good man."

Amanda looked up at Jimmy. A warm feeling spread in her chest as he trusted her with something which must have been hard for him. "Thank you for telling me," she spoke softly.

"Thank you for letting me trust you." Jimmy rested his head on her shoulder. For a man in his condition, he had been up and about for a long time,

"Would you like to lay down? The doctor said it wasn't good for you to sleep too much at once, but you shouldn't overexert yourself either."

"Yeah, I think that might be a good idea." In a soft motion his head slip down to her lap.

"My father wasn't a good man." Jimmy continued his story. "We never had any money because every cent he made went to the cause. I suppose he thought he was doing a good thing. And in a way he were. He helped a lot of people escape slavery and to start a new life. It was, and is, a good thing, but when I was younger, I didn't think of it like that. I used to hate the cause because he weren't supporting our family. When he was home … when he was home he used to beat on ma and us kids. I have two sisters. I tried my best to help her, but I couldn't. I was just a kid."

"Jimmy..." Amanda had no idea what else to say when Jimmy had completed his story. "None of what happened was your fault. You were just a kid."

"That's what I keep telling myself," said Jimmy into the folds of her skirt. "I didn't even cry when he was killed. I don't know why. He died in my arms and I couldn't even bring myself to go to the funeral."

Gently, Amanda wiped away his tears with her fingers.

"You're the first person I've ever told this," mumbled Jimmy. "I must have hit my head pretty hard."

"Oh Jimmy," said Amanda as she placed a kiss on his forehead. "Thank you for telling me." Jimmy nodded, snuggled further up on her lap as his eyes closed.

It was like that Stephanie found them the following morning. Her face was slightly sour. "Mama," she asked. "What's going on?"

Slowly, Amanda opened her eyes. "Stephanie," she spoke in a low voice so she wouldn't wake Jimmy. Carefully she moved his head off of her lap and laid it to rest on a pillow. Sitting down on the floor, Amanda was head to head with her oldest daughter. "What do you want to know?"

"Are you going to marry Jimmy? Is he going to be our new papa?"

Amanda cast a glance at Jimmy's sleeping form before she turned back to her daughter. "I'm not going to marry Jimmy tomorrow, nor the day after that. We're … we're taking things slow," she said, feeling like the silliest person ever to be granted the gift of voice. "We're getting to know each other better."

"I don't like him and I don't want you to marry him. You're married to papa!" Her lip shivered.

"Stephanie..." Amanda sighed and led her daughter into the kitchen so they wouldn't disturb Jimmy. "I love your father very much and I'll ever stop loving him. What the two of us shared I will always hold close to my heart. But adults, when two adults develop feeling towards each other, they may … Stephanie, I'm not sure how I'm going to explain this. Jimmy and I are good friends, and we do have some feelings towards each other and they may develop into something more. But that does not mean that I'll forget about your father or that you will have to forget him.

Stephanie nodded, even thought she wasn't sure she understood what her mother was trying to say.

"Do you want to help me get started on breakfast?" Again, Stephanie nodded, her face still showing her reflecting on her mother's words. "Go get your sister, and then we'll get everything started."

Stephanie did as she was told, though on the inside she mumbled something about her voice not being head. Jimmy would get to sleep through breakfast, her mother would warm something for him later. In Stephanie's opinion, Jimmy got off way too easy. Sure he was injured, but that was no reason for him to miss breakfast.

Breakfast would have been a silent affair if it weren't to Lizzie who happily chatted about anything and everything. After the meal, Amanda started to make the girls' lunch for school. As she put the different items of food into the buckets, Amanda thought about Stephanie, who seemed to have found out and did not accept that there were something going on between her and Jimmy.

"Have a good day at school. I'll see you when you get home," said Amanda as she kissed both of the girls on the top of their heads. "Remember, the doctor will pick you..."

She didn't have a chance to answer before Stephanie smirked. "Yes, the doctor will pick us up after school is out."

Amanda stood on the porch and watched her two girls as they walked to school. Stephanie walked in a straight line, while Lizzie danced around her. Lizzie pointed out all the pretty flowers to her older sister. Shaking her head with a smile, Amanda thought about the differences between the two sisters, turned and walked back into the house.


	8. Chapter 7

Every once in a while, Jimmy snored. Amanda smiled as she found the grunt like sounds cute. She couldn't help herself, but she could not help thinking that Jimmy was a good few years younger than herself. He was 20. She was 26. That was 6 whole years. When she had started school, he had been just a baby. It felt so strange to think about it like that.

Seeing him lying there on the couch, he looked so young and innocent. Even though he was a man who had experienced a lot, he was still young. Jimmy had never been able to have a normal, carefree childhood. And now, he had that stupid Wild Bill reputation of his hanging over his head. Amanda knew it was only a matter of time before it got Jimmy in trouble.

Amanda cared for him. Even though their friendship had started rocky, now they had grown closer. She had to scold herself for thinking that, in one way, she was glad Jimmy had fallen off of Sundance. This way she would get to know him without her children being present. But it was also a scary prospect due to all the aforementioned reasons.

If she were to find a new man, it would have to work out between him and the girls. Jimmy was good with children, even though at first sight she would never have thought it.

"Oh, Jimmy," she whispered, mostly to herself. "What am I going to do? Stephanie is so grown up, sometimes I think she understands more of what's going on inside my head than I do. Some times it feels like she's smarter than I am." She curled up in her chair and laid her head in her hands. "I don't know what to do anymore..."

Jimmy opened his eyes and looked at Amanda as her shoulders shook with sobs. It was with slow motions that he sat up. His head still hurt, but Amanda mattered more to him than a simple headache. "Amanda..." She turned to face him. "Are you alright? What's going on?"

"Oh, Jimmy. I don't know. I don't think I know anything anymore."

Jimmy nodded and sat himself down on the floor next to the chair. "Sometimes it helps to talk about things. Like I talked to you last night," he prompted. "Perhaps I can help."

Amanda forced a smile on her lips and turned her body towards Jimmy. "I know." She reached out an look his hands in hers. Holding on to something made her feel a little better. A little stronger. "Jimmy, Stephanie and I talked earlier while you were sleeping. And it made me think – where are we going?"

"What do you mean? I don't understand." asked Jimmy, the confusion evident in his voice.

"I mean, our relationship. Where is it going? If something were to happen between us, it won't just affect the two of us. I have two daughters, Jimmy. Two daughters who lost their father only a year ago. Stephanie seems to think that you will be replacing Thomas. I have no idea what Lizzie thinks. She so easy going, but she also wants to solve all her own problems without us boring grown ups getting in the way."

"Oh," said Jimmy as he reached out to wipe a tear from her face. "Amanda, I'm not sure where this relationship is going either. Though I would like for it to go somewhere. But I guess..." He stopped to reflect on his words. "But I guess we both need to talk to the girls. Let them know what's going on. Not keeping them in the dark." He hugged her close.

"I know," said Amanda. "We have to be honest with them, but it's not that easy when we don't know what the truth is." She sighed. "I think I'd like for this relationship to go somewhere was well. Even if it's just being friends."

"Amanda, I want you to know that I would never do anything to try and replace their father. I can't be him, I can only be me. I'd like for the girls, and especially Stephanie to know that. I'd like to be there, for you, and for the girls. They've given me so much and I know they will grow up to be fine young ladies. They're caring and they don't let other people make their decisions for them. Those are good qualities for a person to have. They are both wiser beyond their years and sometimes it's easy to forget that they're still children."

"How come you always make so much sense?" asked Amanda with a small smile.

"I don't know," said Jimmy and pulled Amanda close to him. "Sometimes I'm just smart. He grinned.

"How about we tell them that we're really good friends, and if that were to change, they will be the first to know," Amanda suggested, looking up at him. "It's important for them that they know."

Jimmy nodded. "I think that might be a good idea. I know, when I was a kid, I hated being lied to. When adults said something, meaning to protect me and my sisters when all we really wanted was the truth."

Amanda nodded her head in agreement, and together they sat in silence.

"Jimmy," Amanda suddenly said. "Why don't you lay down for a while, and I'll make you some breakfast." There was a look in her eyes which brooked no argument.

"Yes ma'am," smiled Jimmy, "I wouldn't mind your breakfast because I know you're a great cook."

"Thank you, Jimmy," said Amanda with a blush. She helped Jimmy lay down on the couch and tucked a blanket around him. She stopped for a few moments before entering the kitchen and looked at him. "You're sweet, you know that."

"Ah, can't I be handsome instead?" asked Jimmy. Amanda laughed at that, walked back to him, and gave him a small kiss before she returned to the kitchen.

Jimmy turned his head so he could look at her as she exited the room. In many ways it was a good thing that he'd fallen off of Sundance the way he had. It gave him and Amanda the push they needed to talk some things through – he now knew that she felt the same way about him the way he felt about her. An inkling of a smile appeared on his face as Jimmy knew he was in love with the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on. Who knew what the future would bring, but one thing he knew was that he would always have a special place for her in his heart.

His mind turned to the two young girls who had so patiently taught him how to read.

Jimmy knew they would have to talk with them. Just like he and Amanda had talked about themselves. He needed for the girls, and especially Stephanie to understand that he would never even dream of taking their father's place. He was just a man who cared about their mother, and a man who cared about them.

Amanda stood in the kitchen doorway and looked at Jimmy as he rested on the couch. He looked as though he were in deep thought, yet there was a happy, contented smile on his lips. They more she looked at him, the more she found herself grateful for having him in her life. Sure, Jimmy was rough around the edges, and he had that reputation of his, which worried her. But she also knew with fair certainty that Jimmy had a heart of gold.

Laying on the couch, Jimmy looked so sweet and almost child-like. Amanda sighed at the thought. Jimmy had never really had the chance to be a child. Amanda couldn't help but to feel sorry for him. Once the doctor had given him a clean bill of health, Amanda promised herself that she would show Jimmy what it was like to not have a care in the world. She could not give him much, but he would like for him to know what a caring, loving family was.

"What are you thinking about?" Jimmy's voice interrupted her train of thought.

"Oh, nothing special," smiled Amanda.

"Seems like oh nothing special is something happy."

"It is," Amanda sat down on the couch next to Jimmy's prone form. "What you were part of it."

Jimmy grinned sheepishly and took Amanda's hand in his. It never ceased to amaze him how delicate they were. "I like being part of your oh nothing special thoughts."

"I bet you do," smiled Amanda and placed a small kiss on his nose. "I made you some sandwiches. Do you feel up for sitting at the table?"

Jimmy's face broke into a wide grin. "I'd love to be anywhere but on this couch. Feels like I've been on this couch more than long enough."

"You'll have to. I made your favorites and they're in the kitchen so you'll have to walk all the way there to get them. I'm not your maid so I won't get them for you."

"Of course you're not my maid, you're my nurse."

"You're terrible you know that." Amanda snorted, before laughter took over. She was so relieved that the tension from before had resolved itself and that her and Jimmy had come to an agreement. Laughing just felt good and once she had started, she found it hard to stop. Soon she found she hard time being able to remain sitting on the couch. Jimmy noticed this and reached out, grabbing her around the waist. This made both of them fall over so they were more or less laying on top of each other.

"How terrible am I?" asked Jimmy as he started to place small kisses all over his face.

"You're such a terrible man..." Amanda thought for a few moments. "You're such a terrible man I may have to take away your breakfast."

"What? You can't do that. I'll just starve." Jimmy sat up and reached out a hand to Amanda, to help her up. Amanda just shook her head at his antics and allowed herself to be helped up.

"Can I get my sandwiches now?" asked Jimmy. "See, I've heard this rumor that you made my favorites."

"I think that can be arranged."

Jimmy was on the verge of telling Amanda that he loved her, but stopped himself. It felt so natural to just say the words, but they had agreed to take it slow, Stephanie and Lizzie being their first consideration. They were very good friends.

"What's going through that pretty little head of yours?" Amanda asked as she noticed the change in Jimmy's face.

"Oh nothing special," replied Jimmy.

"Am I part of your oh nothing special thoughts?"

"Yes, you are," Jimmy smiled and kissed her nose. "And I like those oh nothing special thoughts. Especially the ones you're in."

"You better,"Amanda grinned.


	9. Chapter 8

As he ate, Jimmy looked around the kitchen. Even though he hadn't been well, staying on the couch had begun to bore him. He wanted to be active and to do something. Anything. He wanted to go back to work, even though that meant he would no longer be able to stay with Amanda. They would have to go back to their old arrangement with him visiting the farm when he had time off work. He supposed it was for the best if he went home. He isn't exactly very popular with Stephanie right now, and perhaps some space would be for the best.

He could understand Stephanie's concerns. She loved her father dearly, and he had only been gone for a year. Jimmy would never dream of taking his place even though he wanted to have a relationship with Amanda.

"You look better," Amanda commented. The sound of her voice brought Jimmy out of his world of thought.

"I feel a whole lot better. I don't think the concussion was as bad as Doc feared," answered Jimmy as he munched on his sandwich. "What's on the agenda today?" More than anything he wanted something to do. Finally getting off of the couch, Jimmy wanted to do some more than just sit in the kitchen and eat.

"Well, Doc will be out later today. He's picking up the girls on his way out here. If he deems you well enough you can go home." Momentarily, as she said this, Amanda looked down at her hands which were folded in her lap. "If you'd like, you can help me with hanging the laundry." She looked up at him with hopeful eyes. She could understand him wanting to get active, doing something again. Yet, she didn't want him to overdo it and make himself ill again.

"I can do that," Jimmy beamed. "Is there anything else you need help with?"

"Nope, I know you're feeling better, but I'm not about to allow you to risk that. Do you want to end up back on the couch?"

"No. Not really. It's just exhausting staying on the couch when I'm used o being outside most of the day."

"Then the deal is that you'll sit on the porch while I do the washing and then you can help me hang it to dry."

"Then, I'll take it," Jimmy grinned.

It was not long after this conversation had taken place that Jimmy found himself sitting on the porch. Amanda had for some reason decided that he was going to have a blanket over his lap, even though Jimmy didn't think it was necessary. It was after all, a warm day. But Jimmy kept his mouth shut because he knew it would make Amanda happy. He wanted to make Amanda happy. She had retrieved a book for him: Robinson Caruso by Daniel Defoe. With gentle hands, Jimmy touched the cover of the book and remembered a girl he had known many years ago. He wondered what had become of her seeing as her father was no good.

Letting out a sigh, Jimmy thought it was better to live in the present and not focus too much on the past. Jimmy shook his head and opened the book to the first page. He allowed himself to be drawn into the story of the man shipwrecked on an island. In fact, he didn't look up before Amanda's form kept the sunlight from lighting up the pages.

"Do you want to help me hang the laundry, or would you rather read some more?" Amanda looked down at him, smiling at the fact that he was so engrossed in his book that it had taken a few minutes for him to even notice that she was there.

"I promised I'd help you," said Jimmy and marked his place in the book. "I never knew this much could happen to a shipwrecked person, I think my head is in need of a break."

Jimmy handed Amanda pins as she asked for them, but as the last sheet was about to be hung, Jimmy could no longer hide the fact that he was beginning to grow tired. A yawn escaped his lips.

"Are you tired?" asked Amanda. Jimmy wasn't really given a chance to answer before she was leading him towards the house. On the way in, Amanda picked up the book and the blanket. "You lie down for a while. Take the bedroom, it'll be more comfortable."

Jimmy was about to protest. It wouldn't be right for him to stay in her bed. Was this moving to fast? He couldn't really answer this question. Of course, he would have no objections if it hadn't been for the fact that Amanda was a widow and had two daughters. If she had been alone, he would have asked her to join him. But with Amanda's situation, there were so much else to consider.

As she tucked the blanket around him, Amanda couldn't help but to reach out to touch his cheek. "I'll be in the kitchen sorting out the dishes. Then I'll get to the mending. If there's anything you need, you know where to find me."

Jimmy, nodded and as Amanda closed the door behind her, Jimmy closed his eyes.

He wasn't sleepy-tired, just tired. Staring at the ceiling, Jimmy thought about how lucky he was to have Amanda in his life and of the oddity of the this situation. He he was, resting in Amanda's bed. A bed where the sheets smelled like her. This particular scent was something Jimmy had never encountered before. It was a mix of flowers and something he could only explain as Amanda. Down to earth, but at the same time, just like a piece of heaven.

Jimmy sighed. He knew they had agreed to take it slow, but his body seemed to have other ideas. It was almost like a civil war took place within his own body.

For a long time, Amanda didn't hear a sound coming from the bedroom. She put down her mending. Not even a snore. She worried that something might have happened to him. She would have to get up.

Standing in the doorway, Amanda smiled and shook her head at the sight before her. Jimmy was lying in her bed, underneath a bundle of blankets, his body curled around her pillow, as though he was hugging it. Amanda thought the scene before her was adorable and she didn't have the heart to wake him for lunch. Instead she just stood in the doorway and watched him sleep.

Amanda supposed she was falling for Jimmy, though he could not be sure. Thomas was the first, and only, man she had ever fallen in love with. And that was almost 10 years ago. The decade seemed to her like an eternity. Back then he had known she was in love. Now, she wasn't sure.

She had to admit that she missed sharing her bed with someone, someone to hold her at night. She missed the feeling of soft breathing against her neck in the mornings. She missed listening to a heartbeat as it returned to its normal rhythm after having made love. 'This is lust, not love!' she admonished herself. Yet, her curiosity wanted to know if she could have something more with Jimmy.

Slowly, Jimmy opened his eyes and looked at her. "Hi," he said. "I must have fallen asleep."

"Yeah, you did. School is almost over so it won't be long before the doctor is here, so you might want to get up."

"Yeah." Jimmy didn't want to get out of bed. If he had any choice in the matter, he would have stayed in Amanda's bed forever. Preferably, she would join him. No, this was not to be, at least not yet.

It was soon after that the doctor arrived with the girls in tow. Jimmy had slept for a couple of hours, before he continued reading his book. He struggled his way through the pages, his brow furrowed. Amanda was proud of him for sticking to his reading even though she knew it was hard for him. She had heard that some people struggled with words floating around the page when reading, and Jimmy weren't giving up. He was a stubborn man, and when he set his mind to something, he didn't give up. This was a good quality in him. No, she couldn't think like that.

The doctor smiled as he knew there were a budding relationship between Jimmy and Amanda. If anyone deserved to be happy, it was Amanda. So he really hoped the two would be able to make it. He knew Amanda well, and had noticed how much happier she had seemed as of late. Having some help around the farm had really done her good.

"How are you feeling today?" he asked as he sat down on the edge of the couch and opened his bag.

"To tell the truth, I've been better," Jimmy had to admit. It would do no good to lie to the doctor. "but it's better than yesterday. So it's going in the right direction. You can go home today."

"You look better," the doctor nodded. "Amanda told me that you ventured outside today."

"Yeah, I was getting restless, staying inside all the time. If I hadn't gone outside, I would probably gone mad."

The doctor smiled. "That is a good sign. It means you're getting better. The fresh air seems to have done you well. I'd like to wait a few days before I take the stitches out, but from tomorrow you can go back to doing light chores. No riding or anything to rigorous. No runs for at least a week."

"Thanks," said Jimmy. He didn't like the idea of not staying with Amanda, but he also knew that going home would be the right and proper thing to do. He didn't want anyone to get ideas.

"You care for Amanda, don't you?" The doctor smiled.

"That obvious, huh?"

"Yep. It's tattooed on your face," Doc paused. "Jimmy, I want you to know that Amanda is a very dear friend of mine, and if you do anything to hurt her..."

"You'll kill me in my sleep," Jimmy finished.

"And make it look like an accident," the other man said in jest. "I know you'll never intentionally hurt her, but if you do..."

Jimmy nodded in understanding.


	10. Chapter 9

While the doctor was seeing to Jimmy inside, Amanda took both of her daughters outside so they could talk. She knew this conversation was something that had to happen. After all, her and Jimmy had discussed this before, and more than once. But she was scared. Why? She couldn't really tell. Perhaps it was that her daughters were still so young and they shouldn't have to deal with adult matters. They should just be children, but at the same time, they were her life and her soul, and it was only right for them to know what was going on in her life, even though it was grown up matters.

While she and Jimmy had talked about it and it had made so much sense in her head, but now that she was here, the task seemed almost too daunting. But she had to bite the bullet. This was conversation with her daughters. There is no reason to be scared. But how was she going to tell the truth, when she herself didn't really know what the truth was.

"I think there's something the three of us should talk about," said Amanda. She knew she had to be brave.

"About Jimmy?" asked Stephanie and Amanda nodded. "We talked about that earlier, remember." She informed her mother of this, mostly because she hadn't been satisfied with her mother's answers. She wanted more. She wanted to understand her mother and the way she was acting with Jimmy.

"Yes, we did. But I think it's important that I talk to the both of you at the same time. So that you both understand. Jimmy and I talked earlier..." she paused for a moment to gather her thoughts. She had all this planned out in her head, but now that she was here, it was as though her brain had frozen solid. She tried her best to remember the words which had taken place between her and Jimmy.

"Stephanie, you asked my if I was going to marry Jimmy. If he was replacing your father."

"What?" asked Lizzie, not sure she understood a thing of what was going on. She thought that her mother and Jimmy were just friends. Just like she and Jimmy were friends. Apparently, her sister had other ideas that she didn't know a thing about. "What are you talking about?"

"I saw them kissing," Stephanie explained to her younger sister. "Like she used to kiss dad. That's why Jimmy's taking dad's place."

"Oh." After that, Lizzie was quiet. She understood, in a way, even though at the same it made no sense at all.

"Jimmy and I talked earlier and both thought that it would be completely honest with you. Jimmy and I care about you, and each other a great deal. We want to do what's best for you."

"But are you going to forget about dad?" asked Lizzie, still not sure she understood the situation. This was all so new to her. "If you love Jimmy, I mean."

Amanda smiled at her daughters. "The heart is a mighty fine thing," she explained. "The more you care about a person, the more the heart grows bigger to make more room for everybody. Do you understand?" She looked at both her daughters. They both thought on them, though not completely understanding.

"Does that mean Jimmy is going be our new dad?" Lizzie's eyes narrowed. "What about dad then? How does the heart grow? When you're grown up and you don't get bigger, then how can the heart grow, because sooner or later, there's gonna be no more room inside your chest. Your lungs will get in the way."

Amanda had no idea how she was going to answer this. Lizzie had always had a wild imagination, yet at the same time saw things very realistically. Sometimes the mixture between the two baffled her. "I'll try to explain better. See, I will always love your father. There will always be a place in my heart for him, just as there will always be a place in your hearts for him. But you can always love more people and have a special place in your heart for them. You can love as many people as you wish without your lungs won't get in the way. The heart doesn't grow like that. I'm not sure how to explain it. The heart is the same size, but it grows on the inside. Like when you move the furniture in a room and it feels like it's more space."

"Hmm," said Lizzie. "I'm still not sure I understand, but I know what you mean."

"But what will happened in the future? Tomorrow? The day after that?" Stephanie butted in, her hands were folded over her chest. Even though her mother said she was going to be truthful, she still had her doubts. It was like she was holding something back, like she herself didn't even know, even though it was her job to know.

"Jimmy and I have talked and decided that we're going to get to know each other better, become better friends. Neither one of us can tell the future and determine exactly what's going to happen. But I will tell you this, whatever does happen, Jimmy and I care about each other and will be friends."

"I'm his friend, too," said Lizzie.

"He's not our stepfather," said Stephanie. "We only have one father."

"Yes, you do. Jimmy would never dream of replacing him. Sometimes," she said. "Sometimes, when grownups are doing something where there's children involved, it's sometimes easy to not think about the children and take their feelings and wishes into consideration. I apologize for not including you the way we should have from the very beginning. The truth is that Jimmy and I are friends, and we care about each other a great deal. When two people care about each other a great deal, it might turn into something more. If and when that happens you will be the first to know."

"That is acceptable," said Stephanie in her most adult voice. "We would like to know everything that is going on."

"Then that is a deal," answered Amanda and held out her hand for her oldest to shake. Stephanie still seemed a bit unsure, but took her mother's hand.

Amanda smiled. She had been dreading this conversation, and it had gone much easier than she had expected. She let out a sigh in relief. Hopefully things had gone well with Jimmy and the doc. A part of her didn't want him to leave, but she knew it would be less confusing for her daughters that Jimmy weren't living with them.

"Mama," Stephanie said after a moment. "Can I talk to you about something. Being honest, like you said."

Amanda nodded. "Of course. You can always be honest with me."

"I know I'm making things difficult for you and Jimmy. I don't want to. It's just that … it's just that I miss dad. When I saw you and Jimmy it hurt inside because it felt like he was taking dad's place and you were forgetting about him." The young girl could no longer hold her composure and tears made their way down her cheeks. Amanda felt her own tears forcing their way out and hugged her daughter close.

"I miss him, too," added Lizzie, rushing to hug her mother as well. She didn't understand much about the conversation which had just taken place, but she, like her sister, missed their father. And it would be nice to have what's going on explained, even though she didn't understand it all.

It was at this moment, the doctor excited the house. Seeing the emotional moment. Amanda hugging both of her daughters, all three crying, he didn't want to intrude. He had a feeling that Amanda, Jimmy and the girls had a long road ahead of them, but hoped that they would make it out in the end. Quietly made his exit, turning his buckboard around and left the farm.

Once the girls were cried out, Amanda took a step back and looked at her girls. Sometimes she forgot how young they really were, because they, in their own ways, seemed wise beyond their years. "I love you two very much. You are the world to me. I don't know what I would do without you." A smile came to her lips. "There's something in the house I would like to show you. Something your father once gave to me."

Inside, Jimmy sat on the couch and greeted them. He knew that Amanda and the girls had talked and he hoped that the conversation had gone well. He had worried about it, not because he thought he had anything worry about. He just wanted everything to work out for the best. His eyes closed for a moment, and thought about his own history when it came to women – he seemed to have a special knack for falling for women he shouldn't and always, in one way or an other, mess it up. The last thing he wanted was for that to happen with Amanda.

"Come with me. There's something I have to show you and the girls," Amanda told him. There was something about the way Amanda smiled which made him think that the talk with Lizzie and Stephanie had gone well. He really hoped this.

Together they made their way into her bedroom where they sat down at the edge of the bed. Amanda took a small box out of one of the drawers in her vanity. Opening the box, she pulled out a pendant attached to a gold chain and showed it to Jimmy and the girls. "Your father gave this to me on the anniversary of the first year we were married. It is very dear to me, and now it belongs to you two. You should have something you can touch to remember him by, not just the memories."

"But this is yours," said Stephanie, trying to give it back to her mother, but she refused. "Dad, gave it to you."

"And now it is yours," Amanda insisted.

"It's really pretty. And you smile when you talk about it," Lizzie said as he looked at the pendant showing the image of a rose.

"Yeah, she does smile," said Jimmy. "It's nice to have something you can touch to remember a person by." He stopped for a moment, thinking about his words. "I have a picture of my mother, and sometimes it's nice just to look at it and remember what she was like."

"Is your mother dead?" asked Stephanie.

"Yes. She passed away when I was about your age. I still miss her, and it's nice to have her picture to look at and remember what she was like." A sad smile made its way to his lips. His mother had passed away giving birth to his younger sister, leaving him and Celinda alone with their father, whom had been killed the following year. Not soon after Jimmy himself left, leaving his sister alone with their aunt.

"If you'd like, I could show you her picture one day."

"I'd like that," said Lizzie and her sister nodded.

Stephanie was still not sure she liked Jimmy as a friend of her mother, but she was glad that they were being honest with her and Lizzie. Seeing Jimmy opening up like this, and knowing that he knew what it was like to loose a parent, made him in a way likable. Her feelings were conflicting. She had told the truth when she said that she didn't want to make things difficult for her mother, and it had been really nice of her to give them the pendant that their father had given her. Yet, at the same time, things were moving way to fast for her liking.


	11. Chapter 10

As they neared the station, Jimmy's thoughts more and more centered on Amanda. Even though he was not home yet, he missed already and he missed their conversations. Not to mention the way her smile just seemed to light up the whole room. He also missed practicing his reading with Stephanie and Lizzie. Even though it was hard for him to read, and he would probably never read many books, he knew enough to get by in the world.

He missed the way Lizzie was enthusiastic about everything she said or did, and the way she didn't seem to have a care in the world. Heck, he even missed the way Stephanie seemed much older than what she really was. One day, he hoped that he would stay at the farm on a more permanent basis.

Closing his eyes, Jimmy told himself that there were no use in thinking like that. Right now, what the situation needed was for Jimmy and Amanda to give the girls enough space so they could get used to their mother and him caring for each other and being more than just friends. It was not what Jimmy wanted, but it was the right thing to do. If Amanda and him were to have a future, the girls had to come first.

He realized that it was a good idea that he had talked to them about him own mother and how she had passed away suddenly. It had been hard for him to open up about that part of his life. He had always been such a mama's boy, doing everything in his power to protect her from his father's anger. Like Amanda had told him, he had just been a kid, and there was little he could do. Even if it had been hard, he had hoped him opening up about his mother's death and his brother which never had the chance to live, in his heart, he hoped that it would make them, and especially Stephanie understand that he could see the situation from their point of view and that he didn't want to get in the way of their father's memory.

When the wagon stopped in front of the barn, Jimmy climbed down and drew a deep breath. Even though he was not yet allowed to do his regular job taking runs, it felt good to be home.

"Are you tired?" Emma asked the young man as she laid a hand on his shoulder.

"A little bit. I just have a headache," Jimmy had to confess. It was true that he still had a headache and he figured it would last for at least a few more days. "I'm just glad to be home, though." He had to smile at that. He didn't want Emma to think that it was worse than it actually was. If she thought that, it would be longer before he could go back to his regular job.

"If you'd like you can have a rest on the couch and I'll wake you for dinner."

"Nah, I've rested enough the last couple of days. Is it alright if I go to the barn and see to Sundance?"

"Alright. You'll hear the dinner bell." Emma moved to give him a hug. "I'm glad you're alright. You gave us all a fright."

"Thanks," said Jimmy. He was touched by the way Emma cared for him. Even though he a lot of times was angry with the cards he had been dealt in life, he also knew he was a lucky man. The amount of friends he had gained in just a few months was just mindboggling. It wasn't long ago he had no friends at all, and no prospect of gaining any.

"Hi girl," he said as Sundance stuck her head out of her stall. "Are you happy to see me? It's been a few days." He scratched her behind the ears. "You should know that little girls ain't nothing to be afraid of, you wuss." The mare rested her head against his shoulders and reveled in the scratching. "Glad we agree on that. Though I love you just the same."

"Seems she knows what you're saying." Jimmy heard a voice behind him and he turned.

"Yeah, she's a good friend. Horses are easy to talk to. You always get the answers you want," Jimmy smiled.

"That's true." Lou patted the mare on her neck.

"Lou," Jimmy was suddenly nervous. He had never been nervous talking to Lou before, and he didn't really know why he should start now. "Do you think we could as you about something?"

"Sure, why don't we sit down." Lou motioned to a bale of hay.

"There's just something I would like to have a woman's perspective on. And well you're a woman. Sometimes it feels strange talking to Emma about some things." He stopped for a few moments. "I'd like to do right by Amanda, but I'm not really sure what the right thing is. There's so many things to consider." There. The cat was out of the bag.

"I guess that's true. But I also thing you're already on your to doing the right thing, by taking things into consideration." Lou knew that it could be strange talking to Emma about some things. She had taken on the role as a sort of mother to them all, and there was some things a mother just shouldn't know.

Jimmy nodded. "Amanda is unlike any girl I've ever been with. I've been lucky."

Lou nodded. When Jimmy had started seeing Amanda, she had been so happy for him. Though she had her doubts about the relationship. Amanda was quite a bit older than Jimmy and she had two daughters. She had a feeling that was what Jimmy meant about other things to consider. Despite the girls, Jimmy and Amanda seemed to be doing great, and she was good for him. Jimmy no longer seemed to be as angry with the world than he had been, and his hot temper no longer seemed to constantly get him in trouble. He was finding other solutions other than getting angry when life didn't go the way he wanted to.

"Yeah, she is something special, that's for sure. But she has the girls." She knew what Jimmy meant by her having other things to consider in his relationship than just what happened between himself and Amanda.

"Stephanie is especially skeptical of me. She thinks I'm replacing her father, even though that's the last thing I want to do. They loved him and he didn't pass away that long ago. Fact of the matter is, and I feel horrible for saying this, but I don't really think I'm ready to be a father. I don't know how kids work." Jimmy had to laugh at that.

Lou had to laugh at that as well. She knew Jimmy, even though he had a tough person, underneath it all, he was a big softy. "Neither do I. But if you want to have a relationship with Amanda, I guess you'll just have to learn." Lou stopped for a few moments. "Amanda is a great mother, and you can learn from her. She knows what she's doing."

Jimmy nodded and looked down at his boots before he met Lou's eyes. "Right now, we've just decided that we're going to take things slow and be honest with each other. We think that is what's best for the girls. Slowly getting used to that I'm a part of their lives."

"Then I think you're doing the right thing," said Lou and patted his shoulder. "You're a good man, and you have to remember that.

The conversation was ended by the dinner bell. Jimmy smiled as he thought it had done him good to talk to Lou. She was a good friend and she had made him see a little more sense.

XXX

Two days had passes since Jimmy had gone home to the station, and Amanda had to admit that she missed him. This was even though they had agreed that it was the right thing for her daughters to give them space, and especially Stephanie. In the last two days she had calmed down and didn't seem as angry as before. She didn't like to admit it, but she knew that some distance was a good thing. There was a part of her that wanted to be with Jimmy all of the time, but she also knew that part of this feeling was lust, not love. She needed to be with someone, but the road would not be easy.

This morning she had sent the girls off to school and she had just finished looking for the animals and the farm. Jimmy had been a great help to her, getting the farm in order. She knew that out here, it was normal to remarry not too long after the death of a spouse. The reason being that two people were needed to have a household working properly, but she hadn't felt ready to take that step yet. Jimmy had no idea how grateful she was to have him helping her out. All the fences had been fixed and the porch steps didn't creak any more. He had whitewashed the house. For her, he was a hero of sorts. Amanda was the first one to admit she was useless when it came to using tools, and to be honest she was scared of heights.

She had some time off before she had to start dinner and the girls would be home from school. She had the time to visit Jimmy. She hoped that he was doing better. His headaches, which he tried to downplay, worried her.

As she rode into the station Emma was just coming out of the house, wiping her hands of a towel. "Why, hello Amanda. So nice to see you." Emma smiled and walked up the horse Amanda had been riding. "I'll have Buck care for your horse." Buck had just come out of the barn, returning from a short run. She said hello to Amanda and took her horse, knowing Jimmy would be happy to see her. Would you like a cup of tea. I just made some."

"That's would be great, thanks." Amanda looked around. "Is Jimmy around?"

"He's in the barn, mucking some stalls. He was getting restless not doing anything other than resting."

"He was going crazy just being at my place for a day," Amanda smiled. "It's like he has to do something." She stopped. "How's his headaches?"

"He still has them, but they're a lot better," said Emma. "But he's come to terms with the fact that I won't let him do any runs for a while."

Amanda nodded as Emma poured the tea and they sat down on the porch. "Amanda, you've been good for Jimmy," said Emma as they sat down on the porch. "He's grown up a lot and his temped has calmed."

"He no longer seems as angry with the world," Amanda agreed. He still has a temper, but it doesn't seem to get him into trouble any longer. Though I have to admit that there was one time his temper turned into a good thing."

Emma looked at Amanda, not really understanding.

"If it hadn't been for his temper, I wouldn't have met him."

Jimmy walked out of the barn, having been told by Buck that Amanda was visiting. He was really looking forwards to seeing her. She sat on the porch with Emma and he walked up to her. "I've missed you," he blurted out with Emma there and everything.

"I'll leave you two alone," Emma said with a smile as she got up.

Jimmy sat down next to her and took her hand in his. He wasn't sure how he was going to be around Amanda. They had after all agreed that they were going to take it slow. "How you been?" he asked and leaned in to kiss her cheek.

"I've missed you, too," she said as her face reddened. "Somehow the place seems empty without you."

Jimmy's smile widened as Amanda felt the same about him. She wanted to have him at the farm on a more permanent basis.


	12. Chapter 11

Jimmy came home late from his first actual run since being injured. He was frustrated about having to take half an extra day for the run, but he was not in the same shape as before he got injured. He was about to put away the saddle and bridle when he saw something that shocked him. In the tackroom Jimmy saw Buck standing over the basin, naked to his waist, trying his best to wash away tar and feathers. It looked like Buck had been at it for a while, but still his whole body was covered. Jimmy had a sinking feeling about what had happened to his friend.

"What the hell happened to you?" Jimmy asked, incredulous. He could no longer keep his silence.

"Nothing," Buck answered, not looking at his friend. Instead he continued to wash.

"Don't look like nothing to me," said Jimmy as he put away the saddle. "Devlin's men did this?" Jimmy really didn't really have to ask. He already knew the answer. Buck weren't exactly popular with Kathleen's father. Though Jimmy figured Buck would have trouble with any girl he was seeing on account of him being Indian, he had never imagined to find his friend tarred and feathered.

"Go away, Jimmy," Buck said, still not looking at Jimmy. He just continued washing his face and body.

Jimmy nodded and left the tackroom. He could understand wanting to be alone. It must be embarrassing for him having to sneak back home after dark so no one would see what had happened to him. Then a thought entered his mind. He didn't like this particular thought, but couldn't shake it. He had a feeling that the relationship between Buck and Kathleen probably wouldn't last. Seeing Buck like that made him think about how easily a relationship could go from good to bad.

The Wild Bill stuff bothered him to the point where he didn't know what would be around the next bend in the road. In a way, the Wild Bill stuff was to him what being Indian was to Buck. It was something that would haunt them both, and have people make up their minds about them before even getting a chance to know them. Out here in the west, there were more than enough men who wanted to make a name for themselves, a fact which made him a target. The people he cared about and called family would also be a target.

Jimmy shook his head and was about to make his way to the bunkhouse for some well deserved rest. He didn't want to think about this. Not now. Not tonight.

"Had a good ride?" Teaspoon asked and Jimmy stopped his train of thought and looked up at the older man.

"Not much happened, so yeah." Jimmy thought his words came out in a rather rude manner, which he didn't mean to. He was just preoccupied, thinking about in the state in which he had found his friend.

"Something you want to talk about?"

"Nah," he stopped for a moment. "I think Buck needs someone to talk to him, though." Jimmy motioned his head towards the tackroom. He regretted saying this, as he thought it disrespectful towards his friend, but it was for his best. "I didn't send you in there though."

As Teaspoon made his way into the tackroom he had no idea what Jimmy meant about Buck needing someone to talk to. His charges, even though they were mostly grown up, still needed to be guided every now and again, but usually they figured out their problems helping each other. Buck was also notoriously private about his life. Teaspoon figured this might have something to do with the girl Buck was sweet on. Seeing what was going on the tackroom, it dawned on him that Buck was in deeper trouble than perhaps even he realized.

"What the hell happened to you?" he asked. Well, it was obvious to see, but the words just escaped his lips.

"Nothing."

"Don't lie to me, son." Teaspoon grabbed Buck's arm and made the younger man look at him. "This on account of you seeing Devlin's daughter, ain't it?"

"This don't concern you, Teaspoon." said Buck as he went back to washing himself, trying to rid himself of the humiliation.

"You planning on settling the score?" Teaspoon knew too much of Buck's personality to know that the younger man wasn't the type to get angry, he got even. "I know a thing like this can burn at your soul, but it's not a good idea, Buck. Nothing will please a man like that more than having an excuse to shoot you down like a dog."

"Well, I'll take that chance."

"No, you won't. You ain't going near him. You understand." Buck just looked at him, not saying a word. His mind was already made up.

XXX

So little time had passed, yet it seemed like an eternity. Sitting outside the doc's off while the man worked on Buck, Jimmy felt antsy. He wanted to kill Devlin and his men for what they had did to Buck. Just because his skin was a darker color than the rest of them, there was no excuse for using Buck like they had. He wanted to strangle Kathleen, her father, and all of Devlin's men with his bare hands. It wouldn't solve anything. He knew that. But he would feel better.

It seemed like just yesterday Buck had won the race at the founder's day celebration. When Buck went up to the podium to claim his price, anybody could see exactly what Buck thought about Kathleen's beauty. Jimmy was happy for his friend as Kathleen seemed to return his feelings. Too bad, her beauty and emotions were only skin deep. If not, this day would have been a whole lot better.

Buck was willing to drop everything and head to St. Louis with her. They had all learned so when Lou rode in, telling them hat Buck was up to with that devil woman. When they finally caught up with Buck and Kathleen, the shootout was already underway. Kathleen was unarmed and useless, and Buck was vastly outnumbered. Outnumbered until they arrived. They headed down to meet him, but it was already too late.

The sound of the firing of a gun could be heard, and Buck fell to the ground, blood pooling underneath him. Jimmy didn't really know what happened after that. It was as though he acted on instinct. It did not take long before all of Devlin's men lay dead on the ground.

Kid was the first one who reached Buck and laid his hands tightly over the wound on his friend's right shoulder to stop the bleeding.

"Now, see what you've done!" Lou spat after Kathleen who stood there dumbfounded, looking at Buck on the ground. "Get out of my face." Jimmy snapped out of his trance at the sound of Lou's voice.

XXX

Amanda walked out of the mercantile and began loading the wared in the wagon when she looked up and saw a group of people sitting outside doc's office. A lump appeared in her throat as she recognized every last one of them. It was Jimmy and his friends. She immediately forgot everything about loading up her wagon and ran across the street, nearly getting run over by a wagon in the process. She didn't notice.

"Jimmy, is everything alright?" she panted as she reached the other side of the street. As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Amanda knew how stupid she must have sounded. Of course everything wasn't alright.

"Buck's been shot," Jimmy muttered under his breath. "Doc's working on him now." He looked up at Amanda with tear-filled eyes.

Amanda sat down next to him and hugged him too her, letting his head rest on her shoulder. It seemed like there were no need for words. When Jimmy was ready to tell her what happened to Buck, he would tell her.

One would think that a lifetime had passed by when Doc finally made his way outside to meet them. "I've done what I can for him," said the older man, his eyes downcast. "It's in God's hands now."

That was not good news. But at least Buck had a fighting chance. He was young and he was strong. He had a chance. Amanda grasped Jimmy's hand, offering him what she hoped was silent support. "Can we see him?" she asked and Doc nodded.

"Just don't make any noise. He needs rest if he is to have a chance." He moved to let them through into the small room at the back of the office.

Jimmy thought Buck looked whiter than a sheet where he lay on the small cot. His eyes were closed and it looked as though he was resting. No, Buck shouldn't be resting,s He should be fighting for his life. Buck was strong and he would fight. He just needs to gain the strength to fight.

"Thank you for being here," he whispered to Amanda.

Amanda nodded and gave Jimmy's hand a squeeze. "If there's anything you need..." She stopped short. She could see how much pain Jimmy was in, and she wanted to make it better.

"Thanks. Just be here." Jimmy seemed to not really grasp what was going on in the room as his eyes locked with Amanda. He was so lucky to have found her when he did. Pulling her into a hug, Jimmy drew in the scent of her hair. She smelled of comfort and safety.

"All right, I think it's time for Buck to get his rest now," the doc cut in.

They all nodded and reluctantly let the room making their way back to the station. Amanda left them to take the girls home from school.

XXX

Later that night, Jimmy could no longer take the silence in the bunkhouse. Since returning from town, none of them had said a word. They had done their chores in silence and they had eaten their supper in silence. As they was about to turn in for the night, all eyes fell on the empty bunk.

Jimmy had to get away, he could no longer take it. He could no longer take not knowing. He could no longer take wanting to be in town, but having to be at the station. Emma was in town sitting with Buck. In case he could a turn for the better, it would be good for him to see a familiar face. In case he took a turn for the worse, he wouldn't be alone.

Riding out, he had no idea how, but he had somehow found himself at Amanda's. He could see her sitting out on the porch, resting her head in her hands.

"I just couldn't stay at the station any more," Jimmy explained to her. "It was too silent."

"Have you heard anything else?" Amanda asked as Jimmy shook his head and sat down next to her.

"Emma's with him. He shouldn't be alone." Jimmy reached out and took her hand in his. "We're all going to see him in the morning."

The two turned around as they heard the door open and close behind them.

"Jimmy..." Stephanie stood on the porch. "I'm sorry to hear about your friend."


	13. Chapter 12

His eyes slowly opened, but quickly he closed them again. The light was too bright and hurt his eyes, making his head hurt. Racking his brain, Buck tried to figure out where he was and what had happened. The only thing he could tell for certain was that he's in pain. His whole body felt like it had been dragged through the river at high tide. Attempting to take a deep breath, Buck felt the muscles in his stomach complain at having to work.

"Hey, sweetheart. How are you feeling?" Buck heard a feminine voice say and he recognized it as belonging to Emma. A small smile came to his lips as he was glad not to be alone. If he were alone without the ability to get help, he would most like die.

"Horrible," he answered truthfully. "What happened?" Feeling more comfortable with the light, Buck opened his eyes and met her caring gaze. He hadn't been working for the Pony Express that long, but he had grown to find a family of sorts. Never before in his life had he had so many people who genuinely cared for him. It was a strange sensation. When he lived in the village, it was just his mother and brother. Then, it was only Ike. The sisters at the orphanage only took care of the basic needs of the children, but they did not show them love. Then – then it was the Pony Express and Buck finally felt like he had a home.

"You where shot while going to St. Louis with Miss Devlin. The boys took you home. Saved your life. Do you remember?" Buck could see the tears make their way down her cheeks and he hated being the cause of her tears. He never wanted to do anything to cause Emma pain. The woman had grown to be a sort of adopted mother to him and to them all. In the very first days of the express he had overheard her telling Teaspoon that none of the boys were orphans as long as she was around. Emma would never know just how much that had warmed his heart.

"Were someone else hurt?" he asked. Emma shook her head no. "Kathleen … she was unarmed."

"No one else was hurt," said Emma. "Miss Devlin and her father left town two days ago."

"Has she been here?"

It was with sadness that Emma shook her head no.

"Oh..." Buck looked down at his hands as tears threatened to fall. Kathleen hadn't even been to see him. Not even to say goodbye. Not a letter. Not anything. He had cared for her so much, yet it seemed she didn't care much for him. Perhaps Lou and the guys were right. Kathleen didn't really care for him and would only cause him trouble. Had every word Kathleen said to him been a lie? He didn't want to believe it. "Why?" he asked.

"The trouble they caused. Not only to us, but they weren't to popular in town either."

Buck nodded. In a way he was glad he didn't have to face the Devlin family again. It would cause too much pain to have to look Kathleen in the eye as she admitted her lies to him. He had loved and he had thought they, despite all the challenges they would face, have a life together.

"When will I be alright again?"

Emma reached out to take his hand. She gave it a light squeeze. "The Doc isn't sure. He says you're lucky to even be alive." Buck nodded. He wanted to keep on living, and he couldn't do that lying on a cot in Doc's office. "He was able to get the bullet out, nothing vital was hit, but you lost a lot of blood."

"I'm glad no one else was hurt," he said in a low voice. "I'd like to be alright again soon." Both the physical pain and the invisible pain he carried in his heart.

"Then you need to rest up and do as the doctor says." A small smile made its way to her lips. "And allow me to spoil you a bit."

XXX

Jimmy pulled Sundance to a stop outside Amanda's. Yesterday, Buck had woken up and he was slowly on the mend. He had been able to eat a little and he was aware of his surroundings. It would take quite some time before Buck would be completely back on his feet, but it was going in the right direction. He hadn't been able to see Amanda as much as he would have liked since he and the rest of the guys were picking up Buck's work as well as their own. Oh, how much he wanted to hunt down the Mr. Devlin and that little witch of a daughter he had, but it would do no good. Even if he did, Buck would still be bedridden for the foreseeable future.

Amanda came out on the porch to greet him. She had hoped to see Jimmy soon. Since Buck was shoot they hadn't been able to see that much of each other. Nothing much other than when she was out at the station to help Emma with what needed to be done. She could understand that Emma would want to spend as much time as possible with Buck, and Amanda was glad to help. Jimmy dismounted and was glad to see her. Walking up to meet her, he pulled the woman he loved into a hug and kissed her hair.

"How is he?" she whispered. She always feared the worst. The last time she had seen Buck, he looked so pale. And even though she wanted to be optimistic, she knew the chances were slim.

"On the mend. He woke up yesterday and seems aware of what's going on around him." Amanda let out a sigh in relief. "I thought we could celebrate by going on a picnic. I brought some food from the restaurant in town. Not the same as Emma's, but I didn't want to bother her with that."

"What a great idea," said Amanda as she took a step back to look at him. Even though he was smiling, there was still something behind his eyes which told an other story. She would ask him about it later. "We could go down by the river. The girls won't be home from school for a few hours so we have the time."

The two laid out a blanket and pulled the sandwiches out of the saddlebag. Jimmy had even brought a bottle of wine. It was a rare treat, and after all, they were celebrating. Tanking a sip of the wine, Amanda looked at Jimmy.

"Is everything alright?" she asked.

Jimmy nodded.

"Liar."

"I know," said Jimmy. "It's just that with everything that has happened lately has got me thinking." Jimmy was amazed at the relationship he had with Amanda. He had never before been able to open up to anyone like he was able to be open with Amanda. It was like he could trust her with anything. "What happened to Buck, it could very well happen to me..."

"Running off to St. Louis?" Amanda tried.

Jimmy shook his head. "Getting shot." His voice was barely audible. "So far, I've been lucky with the Wild Bill stuff, but that's no guarantee it won't happen in the future."

Amanda nodded and put her glass down. She moved so she was sitting next to Jimmy, laying a hand on his shoulder. "There's never any guarantees in life. Yes, you have been lucky. But in the last few months you have grown. You're no longer angry with the world, and it was that anger which got you into trouble."

Jimmy nodded. "I hope you're telling the truth." He made a move to kiss her and with time that kiss deepened to something larger than life.

XXX

The girls had been let out of school early and walked home at a comfortable place. When they arrived home, their mother was nowhere to be seen, but she could see Jimmy's horse in the barn, so she figured they had just gone for a walk or something. It was almost time to start dinner, so Stephanie decided she was going to go look for them since it was almost time to start dinner.

When she came to the river, she came upon something she had never seen before and didn't understand.


	14. Chapter 13

When Jimmy came home from the what turned out to be a romantic rendezvous with Amanda, it was almost as though he was in a trance of sorts. To the rest of the riders it seemed like Jimmy was not there with them, but somewhere else entirely. First, he put Sundance in the wrong stall, and then he proceeded to place the tack in the feedroom. It was obvious to all that could see that Jimmy was a man in love, and that something special had happened on his visit with Amanda. And they could all guess what that something special was.

"Looks like you no longer have to use your right hand." Cody jested and patted Jimmy on the shoulder. Jimmy seemed to snap out of his trance, staring at Cody in confusion. The rest of the guys snorted, trying their best, and failing, to hide their laughter. It took a few minutes for Jimmy to understand the joke and he had to blush. He had no idea it was that obvious what had happened just a few hours earlier.

"I'll take proper care of your horse," said Kid. "Looks like you've done enough work for one day."

Teaspoon stood with Emma on the porch and overheard the lighthearted teasing between the friends, and by the way Jimmy had reacted to Cody's words, the blond man was most likely right on the money.

Emma shook her head. She had a feeling that this would happen sooner or later. "Teaspoon..." she sighed. "What are we going to do with that boy?"

Teaspoon nodded. "I'll talk to him," he said as he rose from his seat.

"Why, don't the two of us go for a little walk," said the older man and laid a hand around the shoulders of the man he had begun to think about as a son of sorts. Jimmy allowed himself to be led as the two headed for the sweat-lodge. Teaspoon got the stones heated as Jimmy undressed down to his longjohns. The two, young man and mentor sat opposite each other.

"You sure look happy," Teaspoon said.

"Yeah," said Jimmy. "I guess I am." He couldn't to anything to hide the grin from his face. He hadn't been this happy in as long as he could remember.

"I can make a pretty good guess at what happened between you and a certain pretty young lady earlier today."

"How did you know? Seems everyone knows, and I haven't said a word." Jimmy gave a half-smile at the older man and his mentor.

"For everyone with a pair of functioning eyes in their head, it's obvious."

"Jimmy, we're all happy for you and you've become very close to Amanda Sawyer. But I think you know what the consequences can be for..." Teaspoon gestured trying to find the right words.

"Dancing," Jimmy supplemented. "I've heard a thing or two about it. The flowers and the bees."

"Yeah, just be aware that it can happen. Once the dance as long as life itself has taken place. There is no way back."

"I know," said Jimmy. "But it was just he one time. It can't really happen just after one time."

Teaspoon only shook his head at the naive young man before him. In many ways, Jimmy had to grow up early, but there were so much he had yet to learn.

XXX

Walking back to the farm, Amanda was very much in the same daze as Jimmy. There was a part of her which couldn't really phantom what had happened just moments before. They had both agreed to take in slow, but they had been enjoying being each other's company without interruptions. It was rare to just be the two of them and she was glad Jimmy can come to see her today. Not to mention there were the glass of wine and they were talking and one thing happened after another.

It started just as a simple kiss, just like one of the kisses they had shared before. The last week had been difficult for them both with Buck's life hanging in the balance. When they knew he would be alright, it was such a relief for both of them. Their relationship had been taken to the next level. Before today, Amanda had never fully realized how much to missed to have an adult she could share everything with.

Jimmy had his doubts. They both knew about his reputation, and he was right – so far he had been lucky. But there were no guarantees in life. Amanda knew with herself that she would probably never get over losing another man. But it was no use thinking like that. Going over all the things which could go wrong would only stop her from living and she had done that long enough.

Making love to Jimmy felt right. It was the natural step to take in their relationship.

When Amanda arrived back at the farm, she was faced with how much time had actually passed. Both the girls had come home from school and had busied themselves getting dinner ready. Had she really been away from home that long? No, it couldn't be. But them again, time always seemed to fly in good company.

"Mama, can I talk to you?" asked Stephanie as her mother came into the kitchen. "There's something I don't really understand, and I need your help understanding."

"Of course," said Amanda and together they sat down on the porch swing. Stephanie had always had a serious way about her, but today she seemed even more serious than usual.

"When we came home from school today, you weren't here." The young girl stated it as a matter of fact.

"I know, and I'm sorry. I lost track of time," said Amanda hugging her daughter tight. "Were you worried?"

"Yeah," said Stephanie. "I went out looking for you, and when I came to the river..." Stephanie couldn't find the words. "I saw you and Jimmy, but I didn't understand what you were doing so I went home again and waited for you. Lizzie and I started dinner."

Amanda swallowed hard. "What you saw, Stephanie." How on earth was she going to explain this to the young girl. Even though it felt so right at the time, they hadn't been exactly careful. "When a man and a woman care about each other a great deal, when they love each other, they want to be close together."

"Do you love Jimmy?" Stephanie looked up at her mother with big eyes.

"Yes, I do," she answered truthfully. "I love him very much."

"But I thought you loved papa..."

"I do love your father. But I also love Jimmy." She paused for a moment. There's room in my heart for both. Do you understand?"

Stephanie shook her head. "No, I do not. Jimmy is not our father and he never will be. I only have one father and he is the man you're married to."

"Your father is dead," said Amanda, not realizing the way her words affected her daughter.

"And you think I don't know that!" Stephanie rose from her head and ran towards the stables, leaving her mother with tears in her eyes, shoulders shaking with sobs.

Amanda knew she had done wrong by her daughters. She had been so enamored by Jimmy she had forgotten everything about her usual sensibility. She had fallen for a man much younger than herself, a man two young to be a father to two young girls. What on earth had she been thinking. She had just been so flattered by the way he handled the girls after their rocky start.

After the difficult conversation she had had with Stephanie, Amanda decided she would give the young girl some time to herself. When Stephanie was upset about something, she wanted to be alone. Going after her would only make matters worse. Amanda knew that she had to do something. She was stuck between a rock and a hard place. She cared for, no, she loved Jimmy, but her daughters' wellbeing had to come before everything else. They weren't ready. Jimmy and Amanda had promised the girls that they would be honest with them and that they would be the first to know. They had broken that promise and the trust the girls had placed in them had been ruined.

Walking inside she looked at the picture of Thomas which stood on the mantle. "I don't want to, but I know what I have to do."

XXX

The following morning, Amanda, after having sent the girls off to school, decided she had to visit the station and talk to Jimmy. She didn't want to, but she couldn't put it off. That wouldn't be fair to either of them. It had to be done now, otherwise she might lose her courage and – she shook her head as she knew she couldn't think like that. Then she would definitively lose her courage.

"Hi," Amanda said tentatively as she approached Jimmy. Jimmy on the other hand didn't really seem to comprehend Amanda's insecurity and walked up to her and kissed her, holding her tight. Amanda enjoyed the kiss, but just for a few moments, before she pulled back. "We need to talk," she said, her voice and expression somber.

Jimmy's brow furrowed as he too took a step back and their eyes met. "We can talk in the barn, we won't be disturbed there." If they talked anywhere where they could be seen, they would both be in for a ribbing very much like the one he had been on the receiving end of just yesterday.

Amanda nodded and accepted the hand Jimmy offered. Jimmy led her towards a bale of hay and they sat down.

Jimmy didn't understand why Amanda seemed to acting a bit standoffish. Just yesterday everything had been perfect. "Is everything alright?" he asked, not sure if he wanted to hear the answer.

Amanda shook her head. "Yesterday, when we were by the river, Stephanie saw us."

Jimmy swallowed hard. "She saw...?" Amanda nodded. He didn't really have to hear the answer to his question. He knew the answer well enough.

"We broke our promise to them. We promised them they would know if and when things got serious. I don't regret yesterday, but I … we have to do what's right by them." Amanda pulled up her legs and rested her head in her knees. Jimmy placed a hand around her shoulders, wanting to comfort her.

"We can talk to them together. Amanda, we can make this work."Jimmy spoke in a panicfilled voice. He had really hoped he could have a future with Amanda. "Please, I love you. We can make this work." He understood what Amanda was saying, and it was probably the right thing. The girls came first. But they also could fight and make it through to the end.

Amanda shook her head and pulled away from him. "One day, Jimmy. One day, you will meet a lady and you will fall in love, and you will get married and have a family. Then you will understand why I'm doing what I'm doing now. I don't want this Jimmy, I don't want this at all. I want to be with you but I have to do what's right for the girls. They need more time and I have to give it too them."

She stopped. "I would like to be your friend." She looked up him. He was almost a head taller than her. Their eyes met. "Please."

"No," said Jimmy and took a step back. "I don't think I can do that. I love you and only you and don't want someone else. I want you. I don't think I can just be your friend."

"One day Jimmy. One day you'll understand." And with that Amanda rose and left the barn.

Jimmy sat down again on the bale of hay and let one hand rest of the place where Amanda had sat. He couldn't really believe that just yesterday they had been so in love and that today all that had been gone. He could understand Amanda and where she was coming from. He loved the girls and only wanted what was right for them. But he didn't want this to be what was right for them.

"Are you alright," Lou's voice broke through his chain of thought. He wanted to be brave, but he could only shake his head.

"No," he whispered. "Amanda and me, we broke up."

"Is it alright if I sit down?"

Jimmy nodded and moved to make room for one of his best friends.

"Things seemed to be going great for you," Lou said after a short pause. There was a hint of uncertainty in her voice. What was the right thing to see.

"It's the girls," said Jimmy, allowing tears to fall freely. Lou was one of the few people he was courageous enough to see him cry. "They're not ready for their ma to be in a new relationship."

Lou nodded, hugging her friend. She hated to see Jimmy in such pain. "And the girls have to come first."

"Yeah." Jimmy wanted to sit up, but instead rested his head on her shoulder. "Yesterday, you know what happened." Lou nodded. "Stephanie saw us." He stopped for a few moments. "We thought they understood that I weren't replacing Thomas, but I guess not."

"Oh Jimmy."

"She asked if we could be friends, but I couldn't I couldn't stand seeing her, knowing that what we shared could never happen again."


	15. Chapter 14

Lou could understand why Amanda had made the decisions she had. After all, it was true that her daughters had to come first. But it also hurt her to see the pain Jimmy was in. The young women had never seen one of her best friends as downtrodden like this before. It was like he weren't aware of the things going on around him. He did his work, not realizing he was doing it, and he had hardly eaten any of his dinner. Jimmy usually loved food.

Jimmy was a good friend to her, and it was a token of his friendship that he was able to show a more vulnerable side to her. After all, men weren't supposed to cry. No, men were supposed to bottle up their feelings, not letting anyone know what they were thinking or feeling. Feelings were for women and children. Jimmy, more than any of the guys were afraid of his feelings so it meant a lot to her that he opened up.

Lou was conflicted, not sure what she was going to do with herself. She wanted to help Jimmy. Make it better. She hated seeing him in such pain. Jimmy was usually a hothead, but after he had gotten to know Amanda, his anger with the world had cooled and he seemed much more grown up. The girls might have something to do with it as well. Jimmy would probably never admit it, but he was very good with children. He treated them with respect and he valued their opinions and views of the world. Children, to him, weren't just silly little things which didn't know a thing about anything. Children had their own value, and it was precious to them when grown ups treated them that way.

Ever since the relationship between Jimmy and Amanda had begun, Lou had had this sinking feeling that it might not work out in the long run. The two were very different people with different experiences in life. Jimmy was also quite a bit younger than Amanda. But seeing them together over a period of the last few months, Lou knew that if anyone were going to make it, it would be Jimmy Hickok and Amanda Sawyer.

Lou shook her head. All of her chores had been done for the day so she had a bit of time off before her run in the afternoon. Perhaps she should go into town and see Buck. He was on the mend but Doc wanted to keep him in town for observation. It had been a few days since Lou had seen him, so now was a good time. She saddled her horse and rode into town.

Tethering the animal outside Doc's office Lou headed inside. Emma was there with him reading a book. Lou stopped in the doorway. Emma had a way of caring for them all, and that warmed Lou's heart. Lou thought that maybe Emma was reading to him to distract him from everything that was going on. He must have been hurt, not just physically, but by the way Kathleen had treated him. Lou herself wanted to throttle the woman the first chance she got. But fortunately for the Devilwoman, she and her father left town before Lou had a chance to get at her.

Buck looked up and saw her standing there. "Hey Lou." He smile at her and Lou smiled back.

"Hey Lulabelle," Emma smiled. "I'll leave you two alone for a bit while I go check on the rest of the guys. Hopefully Teaspoon's cooking skills hasn't driven them mad with hunger yet."

Lou let out a small laugh. Emma was right, Jimmy's cooking hadn't been much to write home about, but it beat Jimmy's skills in the kitchen any day. She sat down in the chair next to Buck's bed. "How are you doing?" she asked her friend.

"In pain. Doc wants to give me something for it, but it only makes me sleepy. I only take it at night." Lou sighed, though she was glad for Buck's honesty. She knew that Buck hated the feeling of losing control.

"There's something worrying you." Buck stated it as a fact. "I can see it in your face."

"I'm just worried about you." It was a half truth. The real truth was that she worried about the wellbeing of all her friends. She wanted them to be happy and have the best things in life. Now both Buck and Jimmy were miserable.

"Has something happened at the station?"

"Jimmy and Amanda broke up yesterday," said Lou, meeting Buck's eyes.

"I thought they would have been forever." Buck looked down at his hands. "How is he?"

"Broken," said Lou. "I've never really seen him like this before. It's like he's not even aware of where he is and what he's doing." She paused for a moment too. "Two days ago, Jimmy and Amanda … well, they danced and the day after they broke up."

Buck nodded. He felt the pain he knew Jimmy must be feeling. "The girls has to come first?" Buck guessed and Lou nodded her head in agreement.

"Stephanie saw them, if you know what I mean. It confirmed what she suspected. That Jimmy is taking Thomas' place as their father."

Buck closed his eyes and thought for a while. "He will get better. In time he will." Buck thought the same thing was true for him.

XXX

After having seen to Buck, Lou decided that she would pay a visit to the woman who had broken the heart of one of her best friends. She knew, and understood her side of the story. But she wanted to hear the story in Amanda's voice. She also wanted to give the woman a piece of her mind. There could have been another solution to this.

After having said good bye to Buck, Lou headed out to the farm. When she saw Amanda hanging the laundry, she was glad she didn't have to go inside to talk to Amanda. For some reason, Lou thought that being inside would be the cause for an awkward conversation.

"Hi," she said, and Amanda turned around. Lou could see that the other woman was very much in the same state as Jimmy was in, and it looked like she had hardly slept. "How are you?" she asked, even though the answer was painfully obvious.

Amanda sighed. "As good as can be, I guess." She stopped speaking for a few moments. "I guess you heard?"

"Yeah, Jimmy talked to me after you left." This conversation was bound to be awkward. "You really hurt him you know."

"I know." Amanda looked down, not daring to let her own eyes meet Lou's. "But it was the only way. I have … I have to think of what's best for the girls. They have to come first. Jimmy understands that."

Lou nodded. "He understands, but he doesn't like it. He walks around like he's living dead. I don't think you really know just how much you hurt him. You could have found another way. You didn't have to sleep together." Lou felt her anger rise, and though she didn't want to lose her temper, she was becoming dangerously close.

"I know. Then Stephanie wouldn't have seen. But we can't take back what has already happened." Tears made their way down her cheeks.

"You were so good to Jimmy. You're the reason he's a better man now. If he goes back to the way he were, then it's your fault." Lou turned her horse around and headed home. She knew with herself that she was out of line with the last comment, but she couldn't help herself. She needed for Amanda to understand just how good she had been for Jimmy and how much she had hurt him.

XXX

Jimmy knew he had to do something. He couldn't continue on like this. He had to keep on living. He just had to do something other than moping around the station and acting as though he weren't even there. What use was it to for a few fleeting moments allow himself to imagine that Amanda hadn't broken up with him, only to have reality smack him in the face. He decided that he was going to see Buck. He hadn't really been able to see his friend what with everything that was going on. Perhaps paying a visit to his level-headed friend would give him some piece of mind. All his chores had been done, and he had even started on some of Ike's work. He didn't have any runs today, so it was the perfect opportunity to get away for a little bit.

"How are you?" he asked his friend as he arrived at Doc's. He hoped his friend would be able to get out of this prison of his soon. Jimmy knew with himself that he would be exhausted if he only had to stare at a wall all day. He had been lucky, when he had his concussion a couple of months back, at least he had Amanda to keep him company. Jimmy had to mentally shake his head. He didn't want to think about Amanda.

"Been better to be honest," Buck replied after noticing the different emotions playing across Jimmy's face. He could see why Lou had been worried about their friend. Jimmy looked to say the least, horrible. "You?" he prompted as Jimmy placed an extra pillow behind his back so he could sit up.

"Been better myself," Jimmy answered honestly as he sat down on the chair next to the bed.

"Lou told me about what happened. She was worried about you." Buck looked up at his friend. "She came to visit earlier."

"Yeah," Jimmy smiled just a little. "Lou worries about all of us. In many ways she and Emma are the same. Worrywarts."

"Jimmy..." Buck paused for a moment. "I know it probably won't help much, but I know how you feel. What with the..."

"The devilwoman."

Buck had to like the way, the other riders had taken to calling his former girlfriend the devil. It was a good play on her last name. And it was true. The Devilwoman had hurt him in ways he ever thought possible. "Guess we have that in common. Newly single."

"Yeah," said Jimmy and snorted. "Guess we're in the same boat."

Buck thought it must be more difficult for Jimmy in a way. He himself would never have to lay eyes on Kathleen again. Jimmy was bound to run into Amanda or the girls in town. "When I'm all rested up we could break company rules and have a night out on the town.

"Perhaps," said Jimmy, becoming thoughtful. "I'd rather just try to have a normal life."


	16. Chapter 15

Ever since the breakup, Jimmy decided he was going to make his best effort to have a normal life as possible. Sure, he was hurt, and though he did want to be friends with Amanda he needed to get over the hurt first. Right now, he wanted to be with his friends, do his job and be happy. It would be a long journey, he knew, but he was determined to make it.

And today was indeed a happy day for him and for all of the riders. Today was the day when Buck had finally been given the all clear by the doctor to go home. He too, like Jimmy, had a long way to go, but with time the young man would make a full recovery. The doctor was no longer worried for the Buck's life, and it would be better for him to be home where he belonged.

Buck was supported between Ike and Emma as they made their way out of the Doc's office and towards the waiting wagon. The weeks of spending his days in a sickbed had made his muscles lose their strength, making it nearly impossible for him to walk on his own. Doc had showed Emma how to help him do exercises to make him stronger. What was important was to not overdo it. Doc knew how stubborn the young Indian could be, and was afraid he would do too much too soon. Emma would have to keep a careful watch on him.

Jimmy smiled as he saw his friend being helped onto the wagon. He was driving and it would be good to have his friend home. Finally things were going in the right direction. He was about to start on the way home when he looked over at the mercantile and stopped short. There she was, the woman he had hoped to avoid for the time being.

He knew it was a pipe-dream. Of course the would see each other. Sweetwater was a small town and everybody knew most everybody. Jimmy knew it was mean to think it, but in a way he was glad that Amanda didn't look all that happy. She too should have to face the consequences of their actions. She had chosen to break things off with him. He wanted to make it work. Hopefully, though Jimmy weren't sure he dared hope, they would make it back together. They had both agreed to let the girls come before their relationship, and both had broken that promise. If them not being together was what was best for the girls, then they shouldn't

"It'll be alright," he heard Buck say to him. "It'll get better. Let's go home."

Jimmy nodded and told the horses to move. He was happy for Buck. Not only did he seem to be getting better, but he also seemed to be getting over the way the cowardly devilwoman had left him. He too was on his way to mending.

Amanda looked up and saw Jimmy looking back at her. She wanted more than anything to run up to him and give him a great big hug. She longed to be back with him. But she couldn't. She had made the impossible request for them to be friends. It was an impossible request because she knew Jimmy wanted so much more. She wanted so much more as well, but it was not to be. Perhaps … no, she had other priorities in life. She had to put her daughters before everything else. Jimmy was a good man, and she wanted for him to be happy.

Perhaps with time.

The young woman sighed as she remembered Lou's words to her. "You were so good to Jimmy. You're the reason he's a better man now. If he goes back to the way he were, then it's your fault." She shook her head, knowing they weren't true. Jimmy had made himself a better man. It was all due to his own hard work.

She wanted more than anything for Jimmy to be happy, but she herself was miserable. She wanted to be with Jimmy. She wanted to feel his touch and she wanted to return to the river where they had made love for the first, and most likely last time. She wanted for them to have a future together. But it was not to be.

Perhaps with time and healing, they could become friends.

After having returned home from seeing Jimmy in town, she set to work in the barn wondering how she was going to tell the girls about what was going on with Jimmy, and how he was no longer in their lives. Lizzie, though influenced by her sister, liked Jimmy, and Amanda thought that her youngest would take the news the hardest. How Stephanie would take it, Amanda weren't sure.

She had no idea just how much time had passed before she could hear their voices outside. Had school finished already? Amanda sighed. She could no longer bury herself in her work and had to face the music. Talking to her daughters about one of the more important decisions she had made in her life. No task had ever seemed more daunting.

"Girls," she said as she came out of the barn. "There's something I have to talk to you about." She led them onto the porch and sat them down on the small bench there. "There's something important I have to tell you." She fought to hold back the tears. She didn't want them to see her cry. But it pained her to have to say the words out loud. She and Jimmy were no longer together.

"I don't really know if I have the rights words, but I have to try my best." She stopped, both to gather herself and her thoughts. "Remember when Jimmy and I told you that you would be the first to know if something happened between us?" Both girls nodded. "Well, Jimmy and I, we talked the other day. And … and Jimmy and I … we're no longer a couple."

Both girls looked down at their hands. Amanda didn't know if this was the reaction she had hoped for. She didn't know what she had hoped for. Not really. She just wanted there to be some reaction. Not complete silence.

"Will Jimmy come to visit?" asked Lizzie and looked up at her mother.

"With time, I hope. Jimmy has a lot to with work, and with Buck being hurt, there's even more to do." It was a stupid excuse, and she knew it, but she couldn't tell them what was really going on when she herself weren't sure she understood. She hoped that her and Jimmy would be friends.

Perhaps they could have been friends, if they had chosen to take a different route. But what route would that have been. They had moved forwards too fast. At the moment, it had felt so right to make love by the river. Living in the moment, being in a world where only the two of them existed. They had been selfish. Stephanie had seen them, and by her selfish actions, she had hurt her children. That pained her more than anything.

XXX

After having gotten Buck settled in the guest room at Emma's, the red haired woman sat outside on her front porch. It felt so good to have Buck back home. She had been so worried about him. She worries about all her boys, fearing for them every time they went out on a run. But she had never in her wildest dreams thought that one of the boys would nearly be killed because he had fallen in love.

Seeing Lou come out of the stables after having put the horse and wagon away, she called him over to her. Lately, Buck had taken up all of her attention, but she wanted to have some girl talk with Lou. In the last day, Lou had walked around with a guilty expression on her face, and Emma thought it would do the young woman good to talk about it.

Lou sat down next to her.

"How are you?" Emma asked.

Lou could never lie to Emma. "I've been better," she told her. " I'm afraid I've done something stupid." Emma nodded. "After Jimmy and Amanda broke up, Jimmy and I talked. I wanted to make sure he was alright." She looked up at the older woman. "I've never seen him cry before. He really loves her."

"Lulabelle, it's not doing something stupid to care for a friend."

"I know Emma. It's what I did next that was stupid. Without really thinking I went to Amanda's. I said some stupid things. I blamed her for Jimmy being in pain. Told her that if he went back to being angry like he was, then it was her fault." Lou stopped to gather her thoughts and her stature. "I was so angry and I wanted to make it alright again. Then I got to thinking. If someone butted into Kid and I, then I would be furious. That's what I did to Jimmy."

"Amanda was the first girl Jimmy had really fallen for, and they had a friendship at the base of it," Emma mused. "It only makes sense that he's hurt. And you did do something stupid."

"In my mind, I thought they'd be together forever. He was so happy with her and they looked good together. But Amanda was right, her daughters has to come first." Emma nodded. "I hope they can be friends one day. I was right about one thing. They were good for each other."

Emma laid her arms around Lou's shoulders and hugged her close. "It's good that you realize that you did something stupid, my little firecracker. You care for your friends, and you want them to be happy. But you also have to let people take care of themselves."

"I know that now Emma. I need to apologize to the both of them."


	17. Chapter 16

It felt good to have talked to Emma, Lou thought to herself. The other woman had over time become a mentor and a confidant to her and Lou was forever grateful. Since her mother died when she was young, Lou had taken care of herself, and it was hard for her to ask for help. She wanted to be strong and make it on her own in a hard in a world dominated by men. That meant that she herself had to impersonate a man.

Lou felt like she could talk to Emma about most everything. At first it had been strange. Emma had seen though her disguise ever since the beginning, which frightened Lou. If Emma had seen through her disguise right away, how many other people had done the same, but only kept their mouths shut about it. Lou wanted the opportunities she had because of who she was as a person, not her gender. How many people had given her opportunities just because they had seen through the loose clothes, the short hair and her glasses?

The young woman shook her head. It was no good thinking like that. She was here now, and Teaspoon hadn't seen through her disguise. She had gotten the job because of her skills. Seeing Jimmy sitting in front of the bunkhouse reading a book, she especially needed to clear her head. She figured she would talk to him first. If that went well, perhaps that would gain her more courage to see Amanda. Even though, she hadn't said those cruel things to Jimmy, she had after all acted on his behalf. She had no right to do that.

"Jimmy," she said as she sat down next to him. "Can we talk for a bit? There's something I have to tell you."

"Sure," said Jimmy as he marked where he was in the book and put it down. Lou noticed that the book was an abridged version of Alice in Wonderland. She had a feeling that Jimmy was one of those people who would always struggle with the written word, no matter how had he tried to learn. Seeing the way Jimmy's brow always furrowed when he read and the way he had to form each word with his lips, made Lou sure he was one of those people who struggled with reading.

"I need to apologize to you," Lou started. How was she going to continue? After all, Jimmy had no idea what she had done. "I did something stupid and acted on your behalf. I made a brass judgment and spoke down upon the way you like your life."

Jimmy looked at her, obviously confused. "I don't understand. You did what?"

"After you and I talked in the barn … about what happened between you and Amanda. I went to see her." Jimmy's brow furrowed, telling Lou that he was still not sure he understood. After all, how could he? Lou had been nervous and talked so fast, she could hardly understand her own words. "It was hard seeing you like you were. I care for you a great deal, you know." She smiled for just a few moments. She had almost told him that she loved him like a brother, but that was going too far. She wasn't ready to admit that. "I wanted you not to be in pain. So I went to see her, and I basically blamed her for the whole thing."

"Lou, I care for you, too. I don't really need any more sisters, but you've sort of become one." He stopped talking for a few moments. "You acted out of care, but you should have let me handle it. Yes, it hurt when Amanda broke it off with me. But you see, we both did some stupid things, and we have to take the consequences of it."

"I know that now. And I shouldn't have butted in." Lou looked up at him and their eyes finally met. "I was angry at the time. I'm really sorry." She smiled.

"It's alright," said Jimmy, and Lou let out a sigh in relief. "We all do stupid things. Heck, I think I've done enough stupidity for the two of us." He smiled in return. "Guess there's a reason Emma calls you a firecracker."

"And you're a powderkeg," Lou laughed. "I'm heading out to see her now. To apologize for the way I behaved." Lou almost asked Jimmy if he wanted to come along, but stopped herself. That was butting in where had no business being. If he and Amanda were to rebuild their relationship, be friends, then they had to do it on their own terms.

"See you when I get back," Lou told him as she headed for the stables. "Tell Cody not to eat every bit of dinner. Heard Emma mumbling something about venison stew."

"I'll be sure to save you a plate," laughed Jimmy as he went back to his book.

XXX

Amanda sighed as she started the never-ending task of doing the laundry. With two active children it seemed like a week-long affair. Leaning down to pick up a wet sheet from the basket, she saw Lou riding up. Not again, she thought to herself. The last time she had spoken to the other woman, things had not gone well. Her relationship with Jimmy was just that, between her and Jimmy. Friends cared for each other, Amanda understood that as well as any other, but that didn't mean they always had to be in each other's business.

Hanging the sheet, Amanda drew in a deep breath and went up to meet the other woman. If Lou had something to saw, Amanda figured Lou would find a way to say it, any way. No, it wasn't really right to judge Lou like that, but after the hurtful words she had been told, Amanda felt like she needed a break.

"Amanda, is it alright if I talk to you for a minute?" Lou asked, suddenly feeling shy. Things had gone so well with Jimmy, but she didn't really know Amanda all that well, and she had no idea how she would react to her words. But it was something that needed to be done, and she couldn't put it off any longer. At least not since she already stood face to face with Amanda.

"I think you stated your opinion about me the last time you were here," Amanda said curtly. To tell the truth, she didn't want anything to do with the other woman. At least not right now.

"I know what I said," said Lou. "I wanted to say I'm sorry. I acted way out of line. Please, can I explain?"

Amanda had to give it a thought, before she nodded and Lou dismounted her horse. Standing next to the mare, Lou looked small and vulnerable "Amanda, I'm really sorry for the things I said back then. I really didn't mean it. I just saw Jimmy hurt, and I wanted to do something about it. So instead of acting like an adult, I decided to take it out on you. I did both you and Jimmy a great injustice."

Amanda nodded. She was glad Lou seemed to have come to her senses, but she had been hurt by the words of the other woman. And that she couldn't really forget. It had felt like she had been kicked while she already was on the ground.

"Jimmy's like a brother to me, and I … I've." She wasn't sure she should continue. "I've never seen him cry before. It hurt to see him like that."

"Let's sit down," said Amanda. "I never meant to hurt Jimmy, but both of us did some stupid things, and now we have to pay for them. We went too forwards too fast, and broke some promises along the way." For a few moments Amanda looked down at her lap. "I'm sorry that it had to be this way. I hope with time that Jimmy and I can least be friends."

"I hope so too," said Lou. She looked down and then up at Amanda again. "I'm really sorry for the way I lashed out at you. I really had no right."

"No, you didn't. But I'm glad that you understood what you did and that you came to apologize." Amanda weren't sure she was ready to fully forgive the young woman in front of her, but she had to give her credit for coming over to apologize. An awkward silence came between the two. Neither of them really seemed sure what to say to each other.

"How is Jimmy?" Amanda said, finally breaking the silence. She had wanted to visit the station to see how he was doing, but it didn't seem like the right thing to do. Something about it just felt awkward. How would Jimmy react? How would the other inhabitants of the station react? Not to mention that Amanda had no idea how she herself would react. Lately, she had made enough mistakes to last her a lifetime. Seeing Jimmy in town had been awkward enough. Seeing him at the station was a whole different ballgame.

"He's been better," Lou answered truly. "He's not angry with you. He understands." She stopped for a moment. "He wants you to be friends, he just isn't sure how to go about it. I think he just needs time."

"I think I need time too. Everything went so fast, and I think we need to take a step back to create a new normal." Amanda was really happy to hear that Jimmy had been doing well. She had been really worried about him, and especially after Lou's words. Before Lou had come to see her the first time, the thought that Jimmy would go back to being angry with the world and getting himself into trouble had never really crossed her mind. Well, the truth was more like she didn't want to think about it. "I'm glad he seems to be doing alright."


	18. Chapter 17

Walking home from school, Lizzie came to the conclusion that she had had enough. The last couple of weeks had been difficult to say the least. She was the last person to claim that she understood a lot of what the adults in her world were up to, but this had simply gone too far, and she wanted it to end. More precisely she wanted everyone to happy, and right now that was not the case.

It had been two weeks since she had last seen Jimmy, and to be honest, she missed him. He was so easy to talk to and she really liked him. She was even going to ask him to teach her how to fish. That would be really fun. But since Jimmy and her mother were no longer friends, it felt strange to ask. Lizzie didn't understand why they were no longer friends. One day they were getting along great, and then there was the day when she and her sister came home from school and their mother weren't home. After that, everything changed.

Stephanie had gone out looking for her, and came back almost in shock. Lizzie didn't understand exactly what happened because for her it all happened too fast. Stephanie had come home almost in shock. And when their mother came home, words had been said, and everything changed. Not long after that, Jimmy and her mother were no longer friends.

"You know," she said to her sister just before they were home. She couldn't take it any longer. "Mama isn't happy now." She didn't know why she had said just those words, she just needed to get out what she was feeling and how she saw the world.

"It's for the best," said Stephanie with determination. Though it did take her a few moments to utter the words. She turned and looked at her sister. "Did you want him to be out new father?"

"No," said Lizzie after having thought it through. "But I still think he's a good friend. He's fun to be with." She looked up at her older sister. "Wasn't it fun teaching him how to read? You know it was."

Lizzie could see her sister stop short for a few moments. She knew Stephanie had reveled in the knowledge that she knew something an adult didn't, and she could spread that knowledge.

"See?" she said, "You liked him too." When Stephanie didn't say something, Lizzie felt her anger rise. "You know what, you're a stinking sister. Pa's dead, you hear. Dead. Dead! DEAD! He won't be coming back, and Jimmy can never replace him. But he can still be a friend." With that she stomped off leaving Stephanie to her own thoughts.

Stephanie knew there was just a little truth to what her sister was saying. Their father was dead and he wouldn't be coming back. And she did like Jimmy. She was just worried that her mother liked him too much. She was worried that everything would change. Right now, she didn't feel right coming home. Instead she just walked without really thinking where she was going.

XXX

In the last couple of days Emma had finally felt confident enough in that he was getting better, so he was able to sit outside on the porch. Buck was getting restless sitting inside all day while the rest of the guys were doing their job and living their life. For as long as he could remember, Buck had always preferred to be outside. Combined with the fact that his shoulder kept him from doing what he wanted, Buck hated being cooped up inside. Emma only worried about him, and Buck could understand that, but he wanted to start living his life again.

Although he could finally sit on the porch and enjoy the fresh air, it had been under the condition that he had a blanket on his lap and Emma would check in on him from time to time. Hopefully he would soon get the all clear from the doc so he could go back to his regular activities.

Looking up from his book, he saw Stephanie coming into the yard. Letting out a sigh, put it down. He couldn't rightly tell why the young girl had come for a visit. She looked slightly confused, like she wasn't really aware of her surroundings. She almost looked lost.

"Stephanie," he called to her. "Why don't you sit down for a spell?" The young girl almost looked like she was suddenly snapped out of a trance. She sat down next him and for a few moments they sat in silence.

"Buck," she said after a while. How was your pa?"

Buck wasn't sure how he was going to answer that question. He hadn't thought about that man in a long time. "I never knew him," Buck answered truthfully.

"Is he dead?"

"Yeah. He died before I was born. But I had a mother who loved me and an older brother who taught me how to be a man. " He didn't want to tell the little girl the truth about how he had come to be. He didn't want her to learn about one of the worst ways a man can hurt a woman. Buck hoped the man who had fathered his was dead. That way he couldn't hurt anyone anymore.

Stephanie mulled over his words for a few moments.

"I think I'm the reason why Jimmy and Mama aren't friends anymore." Stephanie looked down at her trembling hands.

"What makes you think that?" asked Buck.

"I … I don't really know. I didn't want him to take Pa's place. Like they were getting too close. I was just getting comfortable without him, and I was scared for things to change. I didn't mean to make ma sad."

"There's nothing wrong with being scared and not wanting things to change. You know what," said Buck. "I think you should tell your ma that. She'll understand. Jimmy will also understand. He's a good man."


End file.
